Want to make this Valentine really special? Consider refreshing some ingredients to boost
the flavor of your relationship.
10 Lessons to Transform your Marriage (2007) Gottman, Gottman, & Declaire
7 Principles for Making Marriage Work (2000) Gottman
What ingredients will you be refreshing? I am refreshing Attention (Lets see if sweetness notices!)
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| Marottas 25th Anniversary |
“Master Chefs” John and Julie Gottman are happily long term
married people who are respected psychologists and have dedicated over 40 years
of research to studying marriage. There
is some inherent credibility to that! In
their “Marriage Lab” they have videotaped and recorded countless hours of
dialogue between married couples.
What can we learn from this body of research? Plenty!
In the recipe for
happy marriages the Gottmans have identified essential ingredients to have in
your partnership pantry:
“Happily Ever After”
(Serves 2)
Emotional Intimacy. Couples choose (over and over again) to
become fluent in the history and current events of their partner. This takes time, quality time, to build an
awareness of past and present. It also
involves an investment in the goals, hopes, and fears of our special other.
Nurturance.
Express regular and frequent fondness toward your partner. Seek out the strengths to admire and
compliment.
Attention. Make an effort to turn toward your spouse for
affection, attention, humor, and support.
This requires an awareness of how much of yourself you are turning to
others for these things!
Shared Decision
Making. You are a smart person, but so is your spouse. Honor and respect your partner’s wisdom and
viewpoint in some of your choices.
In a
long term marriage there are many expected changes and challenges. When the honeymoon is over and children are
vying for attention in the family it is not so surprising that couples can lose
sight of romance. When finances get
stretched, and schedules get hectic, and sleep is a rare commodity we run the
risk of not prioritizing our partner. There will always be “something” to
distract you from appreciating your spouse.
This Valentines Day re-commit to your
relationship, it will be a gift that keeps on giving.
Recommended Reading:
What Makes Love Last? (2012) Gottman & Silver10 Lessons to Transform your Marriage (2007) Gottman, Gottman, & Declaire
7 Principles for Making Marriage Work (2000) Gottman
What ingredients will you be refreshing? I am refreshing Attention (Lets see if sweetness notices!)
Thanks for these tips, Lisa! I always need to work on being more nurturing, so I will focus on that this week. S is really stressed out these days!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reading suggestions - always on the lookout for good resources for me and my family law clients.
ReplyDelete