Cultivating the Art of Moodling

 

"Dahlia" blown glass bowl by Lindsay Marotta 2013

Women create.  We can't help it. Given the right conditions we naturally bring a creative spirit to our families, our workplaces, our friendships, our homes.  If we could harness that power--our possiblities are limitless. So what nurtures or blocks our creativity?

 

Moodling

Back in the 1930s Brenda Ueland labeled the internal creative process as "moodling." Moodling is what happens when we take the time (when we are awake) to let our thoughts flow uncensored and unrushed.  Ueland was a freelance writer who credited her creativity to long walks, sometimes 7 or 8 miles a day.  (BTW she lived to age 93) 

Do you moodle? To the casual observer it looks a lot like day dreaming, puttering, and relaxing.  But insiders know it is a purposeful and important preliminary step to nurturing creativity.  Pump the well to tune into your truth.

 

Support
Surround yourself with positive people and positive things will happen.  Find a like minded group of people who understand your creative side. Tension and disapproval are more than just buzz killers, they suck the creative juices out of everything. If you are living or working in an environment that stresses productivity to the exclusion of all else, you will struggle with tapping into your creative spirit. Creativity takes time.

 

Poor support can also be found closer to home.  The critic in your head may not support your "idle time" and creative pursuits.  Dispute these self-defeating thoughts by putting less emphasis on achievement. You are a human being, not a human doing.  In the scope of the universe it isn't about success, it is about living an authentic life.  How can you be genuine if you don't spend time with your own thoughts?

 

BIC

I am not sure who coined the phrase "butt in chair" to refer to the time we need to set aside in order to express our creativity.  We won't be satisfied if our creativity dwells only in our heads.  It is meant to be shared and relational. 

 

In her bestseller The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron encourages us to write daily pages in a journal.  I tried, resisted, and tried again to follow her example over a thirty day period many years ago.  Although I did not complete her program, it planted the seed of self discipline that ultimately resulted in regular writing.  I am a happier person when I write. 

 

Mindset

Creativity is a mind set that can take many forms.  It is not limited to the traditional arts.  Flylady introduced the idea of creativity into my ho hum household chores.  She called it a "house blessing" which has made all the difference to me.  I have friends who express their creativity through cooking, exercise, math, fashion, gardening, childcare, etc.  It all counts! 

 

Clarissa Estes wrote the book Women Who Run with Wolves drawing on her biology background and female perspective to celebrate the power of "wild women." By her definition, "wild" is not a wacky thing, it is more of an integrity of spirit which frees us to become unstuck and express our unique point of view.

“...the best way to know the Truth or Beauty is to try to express it. And what is the purpose of existence Here or Yonder but to discover truth and beauty and express it, i.e., share it with others?”
                                                                                                                                    Brenda Ueland



I hope this post has encouraged you to tap into your creativity.  Go ahead- Moodle.  Be Wild.

 

Please comment- how do you express your creativity?

 

The Caregiving Sandwich

Usually life is goes along in more or less a predictable fashion. You have a set schedule for work, you have developed a rhythm in your home life with carpool, dinner, homework time. And then you get what Gaily Sheehy defines as "the call."

Your parent is ill, or has fallen.

Life as you know it changes radically.

According to a 2013 poll (PEW research) almost  half (47%) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child (age 18 or older). Even without a medical crisis women are typically providing support to two generations. Family caregiving is rewarding, stressful, important, exhausting, and ongoing.

Why are so many women the designated family caregivers? Women are relational.  We are socialized to connect and provide care to our families.  This is a wonderful gift and although it is not exclusive to our gender, it is an area of increased attention as our parents are living longer and not necessarily healthier. The term for this population was defined by Carol Abaya in 2006 and is widely used in caregiving circles as "the sandwich generation."

Here is the menu:

• Traditional Sandwich:  People caring for aging parents while raising their own children.
• Club Sandwich:  People in their 50's or 60's caring for aging parents and adult children/or grandchildren. Also people in their 30's and 40's caring for aging parents, and grandparents, while raising their own young children.
• Open Face Sandwich: All other caregivers who provide volunteer support to family, neighbors, friends.

What is it like living a sandwiched life?

In answering "the call" it feels like a crisis, but really it is more like a marathon.  The average length of elder care following a medical crisis is four and a half years.  When our family is in crisis, the typical response is to be on high  alert--set everything aside to focus on the problem.  Sleep, eating, self-care, become less organized to mobilize for the crisis.  Now imagine that this response has to extend for at least four years.

The formula has to change or there will be another crisis, this time "the call" will be the caregiver because of burn out.

Nobody likes a burned sandwich.  The psychological risks are depression, anxiety, and isolation.  The medical risks are serious illness from extended sleep deprivation and skipping necessary prevention tests that can alert the caregiver to early illness. 

You need more ingredients in your sandwich.  Namely support for the care giver. One woman nicknamed she and her sister "the peanut butter and jelly girls" to celebrate their commitment to their parents and each other in caregiving.  Finding useful and reliable support as soon as possible is the prevention plan for all caregivers. 

Gail Sheehy has written an amazing resource for all types of caregivers.  Passages for Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence, delivers on the title's promise.  Whether you are already providing family caregiving or not, you will find something of value. Sheehy provides thorough research in an easy to read format that offers creative solutions to family caregiving, with particular attention to care for the caregiver. 

You are just one click away from Website resources that can pinpoint support groups and online menus for special dietary problems, and inspiring stories that will lift your spirit during the difficult days of family caregiving. 

As we continue to celebrate National Women's History Month let us all make a commitment to reach out to friends who are living like a sandwhich with a meal, gift card, errand, or a listening ear.  If you are actively providing family caregiving you have our permission to give yourself a break, you are worth it.

Do you have a story about family caregiving that you would like to share?  Please leave a comment.

Got Girlfriends? 5 great reasons why you should!

Some of my "girlfriends"- The Inklings Critique Group

March is National Women's History Month
http://womenshistorymonth.gov/about.html. Lets celebrate by focusing on women's issues all month long. In my opinion you can't address women's issues without talking about female friendship.  In addition to the fun and shared interests there are many health benefits to building strong relationship bonds with other women.

 In a lab at UCLA two female researchers were commenting on how when their male counterparts where stressed they would typically isolate to work out a problem.  In contrast, these researchers found themselves cleaning up the lab, making coffee, and talking to one another about the problem to find a solution.  Sound familiar? This keen observation led Drs. Klein and Taylor to evaluate the research on stress and sure enough the research subjects were typically male.  A new research line was born to examine the unique stress responses of women.  In addition to the traditional "fight or flight" responses of men, women also demonstrated a "tend and befriend" response.  When we women are under stress we have a biologically driven instinct to take care of our children and seek out the support of other women.  (And clean the house- or is that just me?)

Female friendship also has proven health benefits:

1. Lowered blood pressure and cholesterol.
2. Longer life span.
3. Improved adjustment from the death of a spouse.
4. Increased psychological well being.
5. Improved relaxation response through the release of oxytocin, a strong neurochemical associated with maternal bonding.

This past fall my father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Trying to balance the additional responsibility of attending to my dad and helping my mother left me little time to "tend and befriend."  I am forever grateful that friends provided constant support and encouragement through texts, voicemails, and cards.  It was a sacred journey that strengthened the bonds of our friendship. 

The research collected in this post will hopefully encourage us all to resist the urge to reduce our contact with friends when times get challenging.

Leave a comment to further the discussion of the benefits of girlfriends.

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