Mindfulness Monday: Calming the Stressed Brain

  

 "The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." William James

A stressed brain is flooded with thoughts that justify the negative emotion. We are triggered by something outside of ourselves and gather evidence to react. Our mind becomes flooded with internal defensiveness. Mindfulness is the process of quieting the mind so we have more awareness of our thoughts and feelings.Step back from your stressed thinking so can choose your thoughts.

This week I will choose my thoughts with a calm mind.

Stress Busting in the Transition Teen Years

Last month I had the opportunity to talk to parents of 5th through 9^th grade students about stress. The transition to middle school and high school is filled with anticipatory anxiety for students and their parents. 

Each parent participant received a handout, a rubber band, and a candy bar.

There are multiple external stressors that we can predict in the transition years: The impact of puberty, dating-driving-fitting in, and juggling multiple teachers and deadlines. With all of this going on outside, how each student perceives the changes/challenges is the measure of internal stress.

My message to parents: Lean in, listen more than you speak, and model/teach good coping skills.  All too often parents confuse removing stress with reducing stress.  Many fall into the trap of rescuing their child from external stress like the “mean teacher, or the “unfair loss” instead of seeing the opportunity to help build stress busting skills. It is easy to overlook the internal sources of stress.

The key to thriving (at any age) is learning how to manage the effects of stress.The handout was for parents to take notes or doodle if necessary.

Top External Stress for Teens: 

School and balancing their schedule

In the 2014 Stress in America survey our teenagers were reporting experiencing stress at higher rates than adults.  Despite feeling more stressed, these same respondents were unaware of the effects of chronic untreated stress and expressed poor confidence in their ability to manage their stress.  

Top stress buster of choice: 

Distraction

Of the many ways to manage stress distraction is the LEAST effective way to reduce the feelings and negative effects of stress. They may look relaxed, but avoidance is ramping up the pressure inside.  

  

The rubber band was to remind parents that stress is not all bad.  It is healthy for kids to learn how to stretch and to find their sweet spot in how much stress is "just right," students also need help in learning how to return to a resting state (recovery). 

A good stretch is learning how to access motivation, manage difficult people, speak up when your friends are mean, try something new.  Parents can help encourage good stretches, monitor when the stretch goes too far, and connect kids with healthy alternatives beyond distraction to manage stress.

Alternative Stress Busting Options:

1. Exercise: Take a walk, bring them to the gym, train for a fun run, work in the yard.
2. Nature: Go to the park, take a hike, read outside.
3. Sleep: Naps should be restricted to 20-25 minutes. Regular bedtimes and wake times encouraged. Recommendation is 8 to 10 hours each night.
4. Positive Friendships: A few "high maintenance" friends is fun, too many is adding to stress load. 
5. Hobbies: Not every sport or instrument is a source of college scholarship. Help your teen to try things for sheer enjoyment.
6. Music: How about a playlist for AP World studying? Engage with your student in discovering the connection between music and mood.

This is a sampling of the many possible stress busting activities that assist parent and teen in managing stress through the transition years.  So what is the significance of the candy bar?  I wanted parents to lighten up and recognize the sweet parts of raising their kids through the teen years.

Also I generally think that chocolate is a nice idea when talking about stress. 

If you know someone with a teen in transition that would benefit from this post, please share the link! 

Stress Busting with Oatmeal Scotchies and Project STIR

I bake when life gets stressful. My family can usually tell when I’m under more stress than usual because there are cookies in the house.  Lots of cookies.  

There is a zen to baking: quietly collecting the ingredients, the steady purr of my prized Kitchen maid mixer, and naturally the smell of comfort food. Baking melts my stressful thoughts and unwinds the knots in my shoulders. Cookie making soothes me from start to finish.

My love of baking was a legacy gift from my Grammie.  Grammie brought kindness, comfort, and cookies to many folks over the years.  I remember watching her bake in her tiny Texas kitchen and “helping” by tasting cookies fresh out of the oven to tell her if they were good (they always were).

Memories of Grammie are an essential ingredient to my stress reduction in the kitchen.

My blogger buddy Sarah Shotts is on a mission to rekindle family recipes through Project STIR. Sarah is a young person with a wise soul and a creative eye We met at the Arkansas Blogger Conference and connected through our mutual appreciation of the family/food connection.  Project STIR is a series of documentary films capturing the universal language of love in the family kitchen. The films will take place in kitchens around the world and will tell the stories of Abuelitas, Nans & Mothers passing on their heirloom recipes to the next generation. I am one of Sarah's “Project Stir Ambassadors” promoting the project through social media.  I was eager to participate because of my support of family time, comfort food, and creativity.

In my warming Oklahoma kitchen Grammie and I still connect over her hand written baking recipes even though she passed away many years ago.  My stress busting in the kitchen this week is creating Grammie’s Oatmeal Scotchies – aka “Scotchies.” My family loves this recipe because it is sweet and savory.  Perfect for a fall day. The insider giggle is that I looked all over for this recipe and delighted to find it in her spiral notebook, only later to learn that she copied it from the Nestle Toll House Butterscotch Morsels bag!

Grammie's Oatmeal Scotchies

1 Cup Flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 Cup softened butter
3/4 Cup Sugar
3/4 Cup Brown Sugar
2 Eggs
1 teaspoon Vanilla

3 Cups Quick Oats (we like Quaker)
12 oz package of Nestle Tollhouse Butterscotch morsels (!)

Preheat Oven to 375 degrees

In small bowl mix together flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon- set aside. In large bowl beat brown and white sugars, eggs, and vanilla "until fluffy." Gradually add in flour mix from small bowl.Stir in oatmeal and morsels by hand.  Drop by rounded spoonful of dough onto greased cookie sheet.Bake for 7-8 minutes. 

Yum. 

This month my blog focus is on managing stress.From process to product baking has potential for reducing stress for you with the added bonus of creating opportunities to share the love and comfort (cookies) with others.  I hope this inspires you to explore creative ways to cope with stress in your life.  For more information about Project STIR please click on the link you will be treated to a morsel of Sarah's talent for videography and I promise you will feel the love. If you share Sarah’s passion for rekindling family recipes please support her mission with a donation or by spreading the word (word of mouth, Facebook shares, etc. . . .)  

Caring is sharing- how about a cookie?  

Stress Busting with Social Support Networks

Sample Bigfoot casts for sale 2015

Social isolation is a mistake in stress management.

While it is possible to be alone without being lonely, we all need some form of connection for good health.  In the world of stress research the data is impressive.  Social support boosts our mood, improves our immunity, and decreases our cortisol levels (stress hormone). But how do we find good social support?

• Consider your interests. There is a club for EVERYTHING. Google it, you may be surprised.  There are writing groups, reading groups, conferences, conventions, symposiums, and lecture series.  Into healthy cooking? Seek out cooking classes, William & Sonoma workshops, and food blogs with interactive discussion groups. Like being helpful?  Volunteer, fund raise for a cause, or join a committee. (Just don’t do all of these things at one time because that would be TOO MUCH).

• Reach out. Phone a friend, write a letter, and invite someone to coffee (tea, lunch, or other field trip). If you are feeling isolated that is a sign that you need to initiate.  It can be intimidating to be the first to make a move, but leaving your comfort zone is the good kind of stress- waiting around will not improve your connection.  Community decreases the bad stress.

Your feelings are a good thermometer of getting on track with social support. A healthy group leaves you with the feeling of being cared about and valued, with positive communication and mutual obligation.  If your chosen social “support” frequently leaves you feeling drained, irritable, or more stressed- it is no longer serving the function of support.

Social support is not the same as a support group.  A support group is a place where people with common problems (medical, psychological,or situational) meet to express feelings and encourage one another. They are often facilitated by a leader.  Support groups are a helpful addition for some people in managing stress but are not a replacement for social support.  Finding companionship and caring with some of the members within the support group may lead to social support benefits.

On a recent adventure (traveling with some of my social support network) I discovered the Oklahoma Bigfoot Symposium in Stilwell, Oklahoma. The vendors, authors, and researchers clearly shared an affinity for all things Bigfoot.  But beyond the bumper stickers, necklaces, foot castings, and beer cozies was something bigger.  I found camaraderie, kindness, laughter, and inquiries about family. Unfortunately we  arrived late in the day so we missed the promised “scientific research presentations” but what we found was a social support system.  Strong bonds are formed around the campfire deep in the woods.  They call it “Squatching,” I call it social support. 

“If you don’t have fun Squatching, don’t go.  Life is short and you need to enjoy it. Some of my favorite memories are of sitting around a campfire with good friends telling stories.” Robert Swain author of Bigfoot Boot Camp Handbook

Best of luck in finding your tribe!

Mindfulness Mondays: Positive Stress

First lesson in Fire 101/ September 2015

                                 "I'm stressed."

"That was stressful."

"You are stressing me out!"

Stress gets a bad rap- which is understandable because we usually only think about the "too much" of stress also known as distress.  This week I want to bring our attention to it's little sister, eustress. 

Eustress is positive stress, pressure we put on ourselves to go beyond our comfort zone.  When we set goals, learn new skills, or encourage ourselves to try something different we are using the motivational power of stress to go beyond what is familiar.  We are bringing about change.

This weekend I asked Sweetness for lessons in fire starting. Cooler weather is rumored to be coming to Oklahoma and there will be nights when Sal is out of town and I will want a cozy blaze in the Chimenea.  I put pressure on myself to be a learner, ask questions, make mistakes, and ultimately to do something new.  The side effect of positive stress is a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of pride. 

 Now that lights my fire!

I will create change for myself this week.

Mindfulness Mondays: The "To Be" list

Santa Fe Snail 2015

Summer is winding down and the "Back to School" rush is beginning- don't give in to the hype.

The more comfortable I become in my mindfulness practice the more aware I am of the trap of hurrying. An adrenaline induced pace gives the illusion of completing more things on the internal "to do" list. But are they the MOST important?  

Be a rebel, resist the push to do more.  This week try "to be" more.  Make some memories with the summertime you have left. Enjoy the moment.

This week I will work on my "to be" list.

Mindfulness Mondays: Weather Stress

Lake Tenkiller 2015

After years of drought in the Midwest we are now dealing with the pendulum swing of flooding. Although we have no control over the weather, we can influence our response to weather related stress. 

We can manage ourselves: 

 Prepare

 Educate (weather safety)

 Accept

We can extend support to others:

Donate money

Donate time (clean up and support)

Shop local (farms and businesses)

 

This week I will manage my response to stress.

Mindfulness Mondays: Watch your Language

Our word choice is a newspaper headline to the world about our lifestyle. Do you often describe yourself as stressed out, overly busy, or slammed?  You are communicating an out of balance life to yourself and the world. 

While we all have times when we are pushed to our limits, it isn't a way to live.

Mindfulness also has a language. Consider these words: In the zone, finding clarity, being curious, in the here and now. If this sounds like a breath of fresh air to you- you are right! Bring mindfulness into your every day habit and watch how your internal language (and lifestyle) shifts.  

This week I will tune in to my language.

Cultivating Compassion

h/t Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown

Compassion is a key part of the holidays.  My mailbox is already overflowing with information about suffering and a call to action.  The homeless, veterans, orphans in Africa, are just a few of the very worthy causes that deliver their materials when we are primed for generosity.  It feels wonderful to come into contact with a cause that speaks straight to our heart.

It feels incredible to experience that visceral sensation which energizes and stirs us to think "I can do something about this!" The combined strength of hope and compassion is powerful.

This post is strategically being delivered now because your compassion is needed for an incredibly worthy cause.  There is a struggle that is universal, it cuts across the lines of race, religion, gender, and socioeconomics (to name a few).  The epidemic is SHAME and none of us have complete immunity to its impact on our lives.

Sociologist Dr. Brene Brown identifies shame as ultimately the fear of disconnection. If they (family, work, neighbors, teachers) really knew how inadequate or flawed we are, they wouldn't accept or love us. We can identify the symptoms of shame when we experience a mistake, a misstep, or critical feedback and our internal response is "I am bad, I am not good enough, I can't talk about it." Shame feeds on the darkness of our internal thoughts and if left unchecked it will ruin our self worth and creativity.

Brown has identified the TOP TWELVE SHAME CATEGORIES:

1. Appearance and Body Image
2. Money and Work
3. Motherhood/Fatherhood
4. Family
5. Parenting
6. Mental and Physical Health
7. Addiction
8. Sex
9. Aging
10. Religion
11. Surviving Trauma
12. Being Stereotyped or Labeled

Find any of these categories familiar?  Good.  Recognizing your hot topics for shame is part of building resilience-- your "bounce back" from the spiral of negative messages toward yourself.

The immunity boost for shame is compassion- self compassion.  It involves recognizing the message that says you are not enough and fighting back.  The holiday season has officially begun and many events and experiences will rub right up against these shame categories.

Are you getting that visceral sensation that fills you with energy and stirs you to think "I can do something about this!"?  I hope so . . . because you can.

Practice self compassion when you catch yourself thinking:

"I'm not__________ (thin, organized, dressed well, ...) enough" before company comes over.
"I don't have enough ____________(money, time, energy, ...) to make this holiday special."
"What will people think when they see my _____________________(house, family, dinner, ...)?"

Do you hear the suffering? Can you relate?
Self compassion is speaking the reassurance that you would share with a beloved friend:

"Your company is coming to visit you, not your dress size or your outfit."
"Good for you for inviting people over, you look great."
"Gifts are not about how much you spend or the number of cards you send out."
"The holidays are about gathering- not about to do lists."

YOU are the biggest agent of change in the war against shame.  This season start or renew a commitment to self compassion. Be a beloved friend to yourself.

Mindfulness: A Radical Act

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is a powerful blend of Eastern philosophy and Western science and is part of a growing movement toward healthier healing called Integrative Medicine.


Guess what- It works!



MBSR has proven effectiveness in the treatment of a range of psychological and medical conditions:

• Anxiety
• Panic attacks
• PTSD
• Depression
• Grief
• Asthma
• Cancer
• Chronic illness
• Fibromyalga
• GI distress
• Headaches
• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Skin disorders
• Sleep problems
• Pain

Current research is being conducted on the effectiveness of MBSR in smoking cessation and weight loss programs.

And have I mentioned that it feels good? 

Sit back and take a quiet moment to listen to Jon Kabat-Zinn describing Mindfulness.

Mindfulness: Awareness of Breath

h/t Kids Outdoor Games

Are you as mindful as a first grader?
In my office young children are eager to learn how to calm down by focusing on breathing We have applied this basic technique to manage test anxiety, fear of public speaking, and emotional dysregulation (aka moodiness). Since children are accustomed to being in the role of learner they are typically open minded and excited to learn about meditation and mindfulness.

The adults are a bit more skeptical- "What difference can breathing make?"

Ask any asthmatic or panic attack sufferer and they will tell you that breathing makes a BIG difference.  Breathing is so basic to our living we lose awareness of its significance.

From the moment of our birth to the time of our death our breathing is working for us without conscious thought.  It is a natural recycling system that takes in oxygen from outside of us and circulates it throughout our bodies and brains.  Our breath then reflexively carries carbon dioxide waste from inside of us and releases it into the air.  Breathe in fresh- breathe out stale.  Is it so surprising that this system is integral to emotional and physical healing?


Try this at home:

Sit in a comfortable, relatively quiet, place with your spine straight

Set an alarm for three minutes

Close your eyes

Direct your attention to your breathing

When a thought comes to you redirect your attention to your breathing

Notice the natural rhythm of your breath

Do not try to change the rhythm in any way

Notice how it feels flowing from your nose

Notice how it feels in your chest

Notice how it feels in your belly

Mindfulness is synonymous with awareness.  I hope this exercise increased your awareness today. Imagine the possibilities if you were to intentionally set aside time each day to focus on your breath.

Mindfulness Monday: Be still this summer!

Chair made with love by Sweetness

There are only four weeks left of summer break before the hecticity of back to school begins. Take this opportunity to intentionally wind down and be still as a family.

Simplify.
Sit outside.
Read under a tree.
Make s'mores.
Capture (and release) some fireflies.
Listen more.
Talk less.
Be still.

I can make memories in the stillness of summer.

Mindfulness Mondays: Pamper yourself

"Fortitude" New York Public Library 2014

Stress sometimes comes in bundles and although there is no great time for difficult life events, they often come at the least opportune time. It is tempting to grab a quick fix- an emotional band aid like Triple fudge chocolate sundaes and marathon Psych reruns on the couch . . . but there is a healthier alternative. Pamper yourself with a return to the basics.

This week I will pamper myself with healthy choices.

What healthy choices soothe your soul?  Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Go to the Library to check out a much beloved book.  Linger awhile to start Chapter One in hushed silence.
• Hydrate your body.  Suggested daily water intake is six 8 oz servings.
• Hydrate your skin with good for you moisturizer.
• Make healthy food choices for a whole day, one meal at a time.
• Phone a friend that makes you laugh.
• Spend some time outdoors.

Mindfulness Mondays: Quiet connections

" Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." 
                            Leo Buscaglia

This week be mindful of your quiet connections.

I will be intentional with my touch, eye contact, smile, and listening.

COMFORT: Manage yourself so you can manage the crisis

Suki in her TDI  work outfit OU 2014

This month is dedicated to creative and resourceful coping strategies for all ages. I have noticed over the years that many people (self included) go into overdrive when life gets intense.  In a futile attempt to fake normalcy during crisis we push to get everything to look just like it always does, except there is this pesky crisis thing. We delude ourselves into thinking that we “don’t have enough time” to take care of ourselves in desperate times. If this sounds familiar and you are wondering how to fit it all in, consider this:

YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIT IT ALL IN- YOU WILL HAVE TO LET SOME THINGS GO.  

Manage yourself so you can manage the crisis. A new normal will come and you will get to the other stuff later.

Let go of the ordinary “to do” list when you are faced with a life storm.  Make simple meals. Eat healthy-ish take out.  Forget the laundry. Do the minimum in each of the automatic but wonderful ways that you maintain your life so you can take time to restore your emotional and physical self. Consider breaks to exercise, meditate, pray, talk to a friend, rest, and if you are lucky enough to have a pet - grab some floor time with your quiet confidante.

.

Therapy Dog Tales

Last week Suki and I took a drive down to Norman, OK to visit the Alpha Chi Omega sorority house.  The tense quiet was a clear sign that we arrived just in time to kick off the beginning of finals week.  Within moments the entry was filled with girls in bare feet squealing to get Suki’s undivided “puppy love.”  Suki gave them all some one on one time and listened while they shared stories of pets at home, complained about late night studies, and wished aloud that Suki could come back every day. 

The Alpha Chi sisters recognized their need to take a break and receive comfort and support.  Before long laughter, joking around, and lots of smiling replaced the eerie stillness. The break time offered an opportunity to recharge.  There will still be time to finish research papers and cram for the killer physics exam. We were only there for an hour but we left the sorority house a much happier place than when we arrived.

Mindfulness Mondays: Embracing the "Experience" with bonus Blog Hop

h/t bored panda

Dee Dee Chumley posted this priceless quote last week: 

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

Credited to Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture) and can also be found on the wall of Jimmy John's sandwich shops all across the country.

We all get our share of "experience." How you respond is what makes the difference.  Will you grow and persevere or will you give up? 

This week I will embrace the opportunity to grow through my experiences. 

Bonus Blog Hop:  Last week I was asked to participate in a "blog hop" by my wise friend and critique partner Mari Farthing. She sent me five questions regarding the writing process and encouraged me to "tag" another blogger for you to visit next week who will answer the same five questions.  

Welcome to my stop on the hop

What are you working on?

Over the past ten years I have been working on improving my writing and developing a sense of community with writerly friends/colleagues. My current obsession focus is on my NICE ADVICE series, “because all problems feel big when you are little and every caring parent wants to help.” The stories are a blend of fiction and nonfiction, addressing topics related to feelings, families, friendship, and school.  Each book encourages parent and child to cuddle up, read aloud, and begin the conversation. 

This past weekend at the Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc (OWFI) I had an “experience.” A talented editor/agent informed me that my series was actually geared toward Early Reader (think Junie B Jones) versus Picture Book (Where the Wild Things are). This shift will require expansion, revision, and a great deal of work.  I’m very excited about the challenge- many thanks to Maria Vicente.

How does your work differ from other of its genre?

There are some very good traditional “counseling books” on the market but I typically use nontraditional books in my private practice.  A strong story and a relatable character is what works in making a child feel comfortable talking about difficult things. 

Why do you write what you do?

I write children’s books to provide a positive experience between parent and child.  My mission in my psychology practice/writing is advocacy, empowerment, and healing. 

How does your writing process work?

I struggle with finding the time to balance all the things that I love, and imagine this is a lifelong juggle. My “sweet spot” time for writing/blogging seems to be morning to get thoughts out of my head and onto the page, and revision always goes smoother in the evening. 

The next stop on our blog hop is Shel Harrington.  Shel is not only the divorce lawyer who hates divorce she is also a humorous writer who loves marriage.  Please send some blog love her way on Monday, May 12 to find out more about her writing process.

Anxiety: Sleep and Stress

According to the APA survey Stress in America only 20 percent of the adults reported good or excellent sleep.  Sleep doctors advise that adults get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night.  The APA results confirmed that those surveyed who slept 8 hours or more reported lower stress levels than those who slept less than 8 hours.  

The high stress/low sleep group was also more likely to report symptoms of low energy, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, skipping exercise, no motivation to complete responsibilities, and losing patience and yelling at their children and/or spouse.  You could lose sleep just thinking about those symptoms!

For the mildly sleep deprived there is always the hope of catching up on sleep tomorrow, or the next day…

But how can we get our nightly dose of 8 hours? The gurus suggest that we improve our sleep hygiene- with enough practice these habits should become as automated as brushing our teeth and washing our face:

Timing: You have heard it before, but it really is true: Setting a consistent sleep/wake schedule even during the weekends helps with sleep quality.

Screens: Sleep experts recommend shutting off all screens (TV, cell phones, laptops, ipads, etc) at least one hour before bedtime.  Technology lighting can make falling asleep more complicated. 

 Naps: Must be brief (20-25 minutes) and before 5:00.  Altho naps aren't for everyone- I am a big fan, it is one of my super powers (naptastic!).

Reading: Only Mrs. Stephen King should invite Stephen King to bed. Be selective about evening reading. 

Shower/bath: Our bodies have a thermal response that sets the mood for sleep. Taking a warm shower or bath before bed helps to induce a sleepy feeling by slowing down our breathing, heart rate, and digestion.  Consider comforting lotions for après bath.

Journaling: Some of us are plagued with “to do” lists or feel compelled to replay the events of the day as we settle down for sleep.  Hot pen journaling is one technique that I suggest at night:.  Pretend the pen is hot and write until you run out of things to write.  It is like a brain drain- no editing allowed.  Over time you will see patterns emerge in the thoughts that nag at you at night.  Getting them out of your head and onto the paper may help you with problem solving during the day.  Some of my teenage clients prefer a doodle log.  They take a sketch pad and favorite markers to calmly draw before sleep.

Go grab some zzzs - We are all just a  few habit changes away from filling our tanks with the restorative sleep our bodies and minds need to manage stress.  Sweet dreams! 

ANXIETY: TEENS and STRESS- OH MY!

Edmond Public Schools organized a Parent University on Tuesday to support parents in continuing their education about kids, stress, and resilience. I am re-posting this from April of last year as a review for attendees and to reach out to others.  If this post is helpful to you as a parent please share with others. Thank you for reading. Lisa

D o you think the teen slumped on your couch watching marathon Dance Mom episodes is “chilling out?”  Think again.

According to the American Psychological Association’s survey on Stress in America - your teen is probably stressed out and trying distraction to calm down-which doesn't work well. This year’s online survey which included over 2,000 teenagers (13-17) and adults (18 and older) showed an overall increase in the reported stress of our nation’s teenagers- at stress levels higher than adults. 

What are teens stressed about? 

School (89%), which included getting into a good college and what to do after high school. 

Balancing schedule (school, home, extracurricular) (59%).

Despite the reported high levels of stress over half of the teens reported a lack of confidence in their ability to manage stress, and recognize that they are not doing enough to manage it.  Many of the teenagers endorsed stress related symptoms:  Feeling irritable, tired, overwhelmed, depressed or sad, procrastinating, changed sleeping habits, concentration problems, and eating too much or skipping meals.  The teens in the highest stress group were more likely to use distraction through sedentary activities like movies, television, or surfing the internet.

How adults can help:

Good stress management habits sound exactly like a nag list- but they work.   Adults participating in the survey acknowledged poor coping strategies for managing stress, so be aware of what you are modeling.  Teenagers will notice what you do and tune out what you say, especially when there is a mismatch.

In other words this nag list is for you as well:

TALK MORE: Take time to share the pressures you are feeling with a trusted friend and/or family member.  Consider creating a list of things that are bothering you and get some feedback about developing priorities and solutions.  Holding in your emotions creates a heavy burden (and adds more stress!).

MOVE MORE:  Teens and adults report “feeling better” physically and emotionally after exercise, but few have created a practice of regular work outs.  All movement counts so be creative in finding something that you can enjoy.  Dance, run, hike, rip stick, tennis, and training for meaningful marathons are all possibilities to explore

.

SLEEP MORE: The average stress level for teenagers sleeping less than eight hours on a school night is 6.2 out of 10.  Taking naps and boosts of caffeine to make it through the day becomes a negative cycle that adds to perceived stress.  Create a family culture that fosters healthy sleep habit by setting a screen curfew.  Make sure you abide by the rules too!

PLAY MORE: Develop hobbies and interests beyond school and work.  Invest in classes that are just for fun, throw a Frisbee outside, visit random museums.  Use your weekends for more than errand running and chores.

BALANCE MORE: We humans need to maintain even portions of “being” and “doing.” If your teenager has over-committed help them to sort through and prioritize their schedule so it feels less intense.  Even if your student gets behind in class work- support time for rest and fun so they have the energy to shrink stress down to size.

Help encourage a well rounded life for your family.  Stress busting begins at home.

Mindfulness Mondays: Seek Peace

Last month I toured the NPR studios in Washington, DC. One of my favorite experiences was spending time in "the egg." The egg is a sound proofing chair with WiFi and excellent speakers so you can choose your own sensory environment.  I briefly listened to some excellent classical music.  When I hatched out of the egg - I was shocked by sensory overload!  The news feeds, conversations, phones, monitors, screens, hurt my ears.  I wanted back in the egg!

There is so much stimulation in our daily life we are desensitized by how much is vying for our attention..

This week I will seek peace in my surroundings.

ANXIETY: What Stress Doesn't Want You to Know

It may surprise you to know that a number of my clients are referred for stress related health problems.  In my current caseload I am developing behavioral plans to address migraines, sleep problems, irritable bowl symptoms, obesity, and ulcers.  These are symptoms of middle school and high school teenagers!  Please take a minute today to view this short film created by the American Psychological Association.  It is a warm up to get you thinking a little differently about psychological services and prepare you for next week's post on stress in our nation's teenagers.