Tuesday, October 1, 2013

SH*T my Brain Says

Friday had all of the elements of an awesome day. The weather was perfect for a road trip to celebrate my daughter's 20th birthday.  Aforementioned daughter was already home from college and excited to spend time with me. (!)

I was in terrific spirits.  Until I hit a brain drain. 
what is wrong with me?
why do I even try?
I am gaining it all back
I can't do this
I don't deserve to buy any new clothes
Now I can't enjoy myself
Everyone but me knows the truth
I have been fat
I will be fat

I "weighed in" at weight watchers. It wasn't good news.

The number on the scale unleashed a barrage of flying monkeys.  My stinking thinking was relentless and unkind. It was as if we brought along a mean girl on our road trip.  She even said the "F** word."

After three and a half hours of straining to listen to my daughter over the voices in my head, the hotel receptionist handed us two steaming hot chocolate chip cookies. 

"Stupid cookie" I said and ate it quickly before I could change my mind.

The stupid cookie wasn't even good.

This week I am planning to "move more, eat healthy" as per my weight watcher leader and equally important "silence the stinking thinking."
What triggers your inner mean girl?


  1. Lisa, I just returned from 9 days of visiting relatives. It rained the entire time so for entertainment, we ate. I entertained myself to the tune of 3 extra lbs. I'll be joining you in your effort to get back to "moving more and eating healthy" and will be trying to silence some of my own "stinking thinking."

  2. Feeling your pain Dee Dee. It's a lifelong process-isn't it? Good luck quieting your stinking thinking :)

  3. I have thought about this post so much since I read it. Partly because I was in shock that YOU say such mean things to yourself. I've never heard you be mean to ANYONE and didn't know you had it in you. Also, it made me think about all the "stinking thinking" I aim at myself. You're brave to share yours. Thanks for doing so. It gives me the courage to tell my "inner mean girl" to shut the $%# up.

    1. Brandi- Negative self-talk is so ugly! You are right, I would not, could not, be this mean to others but somehow the filter breaks when I am spiraling. Weight management is one of my vulnerable spots and I can be cruel to me if I am not careful. Congratulations on putting your inner mean girl in her place!