Gratitude Adjustment

I am grateful for signs of Spring

Mindfulness Mondays: Mindful laughter

Laughter is good medicine!  

When we laugh we keep anxiety at a distance. Stress hormones are reduced and endorphins are released (no running required). 

Positive emotions help in healing physical and emotional pain.

Creativity is improved through the open, flexible thinking of humor. 

Do I need to mention that it also feels good?

Is there someone in your life that makes you laugh? Can you think of the last book or movie that gave you the giggles? 

Be intentional this week about positive emotions- make sure to make time for FUN!

This week I will find ways to laugh.  

Mindfulness Monday: Silence

Zion National Park 2015
Columbines growing from rock face
h/t Lindsay Marotta

Silence is hard to come by in our culture. On a recent hike I was impressed by silence- only occasionally interrupted by birdsong or wind rustling leaves.  Fellow hikers also respected the silence by speaking rarely and quietly along the path. I chose to rest my mind.  The result was refreshing. Remarkable.

Have a remarkable week with a silent retreat.   Create time within each day to tune in to hushed quiet. Rest your mind with silence.

This week I will rest my mind with silence.

Feelings Friday: Goodbyes are always hard

Suki (Lynn) Marotta
2004 - 2015

Suki Marotta passed away quietly of natural causes early Sunday morning.

She was a beloved family member, pet, friend, therapy dog, and "mindfulness muse."

Suki wagged her tail into our life in 2006 as a rescue dog. She completed her Therapy Dog International training in 2008.  Suki worked Wednesdays in my office soothing sadness and calming the nerves of clients and staff alike. Her TDI outreach included comforting grieving children at Trinity School, and easing the stress of midterms and finals with the Alpha Chi girls at the University of Oklahoma.  Suki was a frequent guest on this blog as a reminder to "live moment to moment" in mindfulness.

Suki  loved belly rubs, nature walks, raw carrots,  and attention.  She was vocal in her dislike of owls, power tools, and vacuums.

She was energetic and playful throughout her life. Suki was always happy to see you.

She spent a wonderful last day on earth walking, playing, and being loved on by family and friends at the lake. Suki will be remembered for her compassion, loving companionship, and joyful spirit.

Therapy Dog International says "A dog will love you forever." We will love Suki forever.

I have enabled comments for this post if you wish to share a memory about Suki or a thought about grieving a pet.  Many thanks always for reading and following.

Resilient Leadership

Oklahoma State Superintendent Conference February 2015
Dr. Robert Romines

Resilience skills apply to every aspect of life: personal and professional.  Imagine if you were stepping into a new work position during a natural disaster- your responsibilities include the safety of children, teachers, and communicating calm to parents. This is the story of Dr. Robert Romines, Superintendent of the Moore, Oklahoma school district.  In February of this year I had the honor of meeting this “ordinary hero” who demonstrates resilient leadership.

On May 20, 2013 an F5 tornado impacted the community of Moore, Oklahoma and the 23,000 students in Dr. Robert Romines' care. 

He was a first responder to the school buildings destroyed by the storm and helped rescue teachers and students from the disaster sites.  Within moments of learning of the 7 student deaths in the Briarwood school, Dr. Romines was called upon to speak to the media. He communicated reassurance and realistic hope. 

The tornado ended the school year only days away from the planned summer dismissal.  Within the week Dr. Romines assembled a team to provide safe spaces for every student to return for their first day of the next school year.  From May 21 through August 16, 2013 Romines led with the mantra “Anything is possible.”

Understandably, two years later he is still tearful and managing emotions speaking about the events of the Tornado and the rebuilding/recovery effort that followed. Dr. Romines' leadership continues in his Monday email sent out to every family in his district with a “weather update” for the week.

Ordinary people can do extraordinary things utilizing resilience skills: Support, flexibility, decisiveness, and perspective. 

Are you leading your personal life with resilience? 

Are you practicing resilience in your parenting?  

Monday Mindfulness: Where are you right now?

Suki in Springtime 2015

Where are you right now?  Is your mind wandering to the weekend, or next week, or next month?  May brings Mother's Day, gardening, graduations, vacation, . . .
Planning is certainly important and we need to set aside time for it-

But what about this moment- right now?

Observe your body: Notice your posture- make adjustments as needed.

Observe your breath: Breath in. Pause.  Breath out.

Observe your mind: Listen to your thoughts, feel your feelings.  Clear the clutter.


This week I will take time to observe my body, breath, and mind so I am fully present to the moment. 

Mindfulness Monday: Savor Springtime

h/t Lindsay Marotta April 2015

It's spring!  The colors are vibrant, flowers blooming, trees budding, and the wind is "sweeping down the plain." This phase of new growth is fleeting and fragile.  Make sure you don't miss it.

Mindfulness about nature is an experiential event- you must go outside to notice.

Tip toe through the tulips today- they might be gone tomorrow. Mindfulness is all about the now, be present to nature's moment.


This week I will make time to savor springtime.

Mindfulness Mondays: Be Adventurous!

Marotta Rainbow Bread 2015
"Very Pinteresting" and Yummy!

Creativity is not always a bolt of lightning experience. Sometimes it is a quiet agreement to try out someone else's new idea.

Looking for inspiration? Pinterest is an endless catalog of "new ideas" to spark your adventurous spirit.

Be accepting of mistakes along the way and have fun! It is all part of the creative process.






This week I will be adventurous and try something new.

Mindfulness Mondays: Connect

Suki providing comfort
to grieving teachers and students
at Trinity School OKC

We are "wired for connection" according to sociologist Brene Brown.  Each of our relationships needs real time attention to grow.

Break through the busyness of social media and embrace face to face meaningful contact with others. There is no substitute for the real thing --Be your authentic self in your relationships this week.




This week I will connect deeply in my relationships.

Mindfulness Mondays: Celebrate Healthy Relationships

"Sisters in Spirit" Conference 2015
My Spirit Sister Mary Jane Metzinger

Today is the beginning of National Healthy Relationships week sponsored by the  Alpha Chi Omega sorority. Their philanthropy raises awareness to prevent domestic violence.  

Be mindful of the verbal and nonverbal ways you connect in your relationships.

• Give your "sister" a hug 
• Compliment your significant other
• Dedicate time to nurture a friendship

I can be intentional in celebrating the healthy relationships in my life.

Love and Logic with your Twenty-Something

My husband and I raised our children with Love and Logic, a parenting program developed by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.  The philosophy appealed to us on many levels. “Raise your children to become responsible adults by equal parts nurturing (love, empathy) and logical consequences (natural, imposed).”  Jim Fay reminded us that the cost of mistakes when children are young are much cheaper than the mistakes they will make when they are grown up.  The price tag goes up.

So dutiful Love and Logic parents all over the world celebrated mistakes.  We did not rescue or lecture our little ones.  We poured on the empathy- “that’s a bummer” and let the life lessons happen. It was okay to stay calm when our kids messed up because they were getting a “real life education.”

The problem is that some kids don't make many mistakes when they are little. They have little practice with failure. They just keep "getting it right."  There are kids who work hard and get good grades.  They have great teachers. They do their chores well. They take risks by trying out for something big and they succeed.  Almost – every- stinking- time.

And then it happens. Life gets complicated. 
 

Adulthood is exponentially more difficult than childhood and adolescence.  The responsibilities are simultaneous, disappointments are bigger, the set-backs are scarier. Failing a test is not as big of a consequence as failing a class in college.  Running out of lunch money is definitely a smaller cost than running out of paycheck before the rent payment.

What is a parent to do when faced with a twenty something that is experiencing failure for the first time?  It really is a bummer.

Take a deep breath.  Mistakes are part of growing up.  Your Love and Logic skills will still work!

Here are 5 steps to maintaining a healthy relationship when your twenty-something makes a BIG mistake.

1. Show them how a well put together adult behaves.  Avoid screaming, name calling, or over dramatic displays of concern.  It makes you look less credible. If your accountant cried about your taxes would you go back next year?
2. Be empathic.  Express sadness that life is hard, acknowledge that adulthood takes time. Stay hopeful. Make normal conversation- no one wants to be reminded continually of self improvement.
3. Ask if they want some advice.  Some twenty somethings are too embarrassed to ask for help.  If your adult child is receptive keep your suggestions brief and encouraging. Stay with the plan of ideas not mandates, information not lectures.  Assistance not a bail out.
4. Give them permission to follow or not follow your advice.  Release your wisdom to the universe, do not get invested in the outcome. Remember that mistakes are learning opportunities- Some people need to make multiple learning opportunities before mastery.
5. Give them a chance to try again.  If you do it for them, it is not their practice.  It takes practice to learn how to learn from mistakes.  Sometimes lots of practice.

Repeat steps 1 through 5 as many times as necessary.

Growing up is messy and parenting is hard at every developmental step. Keep your relationship healthy and connected by using your heart and your head- show them your Love and Logic skills!

If at first they don't succeed . . . it's okay.  They will learn from their mistakes-eventually. 

Didn't you?

 

 

 

Mindfulness Mondays: Moment to Moment

Lake Tenkiller shoreline 2015

In Oklahoma we are experiencing a "false Spring."Warmer weather sneaks into parts of our week and then abruptly returns to seasonal temps. 

Enjoy the best of both seasons by practicing moment to moment mindfulness.

When the sun is shining step outside and feel it on your face. Welcome a warm breeze when you walk out to the mailbox.

On chilly days, embrace a wooly blanket. Heat up some cocoa and be grateful for indoor time.

The present moment is all that we have. Don't lose this moment to worrying about how long it will last or wishing it were different.

This week I will honor moment to moment mindfulness.

Mindfulness Mondays: Dream

h/t Google Images Martin Luther King, Jr. /Seattle Times

All change begins with a dream.

Be still and attend to your motivation for change- your vision of "better."  It all starts with you.

Imagine change in your life, family, community, or culture.

This week honor your dreams. Give yourself permission to imagine positive change.

I can begin with a dream.

Mindfulness Monday: Express Yourself

Fancy Peacock/North Park Mall 2015

Each of us has a distinct point of view based on layers of life lessons- and our interpretation of those experiences. Your victories, mistakes, celebrations, and discouragements are unique.

That is precisely why you need to express yourself.

It is time to tell your story and Listen to Your Mother wants to hear it- or your friend will want to read it- or your 8th grade art teacher will want to see it . . .

Most importantly you need to live it.  How about starting this week?




This week I will find ways to express myself.

Mindfulness Monday: Patience

Suki 2015

Many of us enter the new year with high expectations for change. 

Mindfulness is compatible with change by helping us to take one moment at a time. 

(Not the whole year at once!) 








This week I will be patient with myself. 

Back Eyed Peas and Goal Setting for the New Year



Hoppin John 2015

Let's ring in the new year with luck and happiness- would you like the recipe?

 

My new year’s table always includes a southern dish with black eyed peas.  I did a little research to investigate why this food is considered lucky and found a few theories. The story that makes the most sense to me dates back to the civil war.  In the process of winning the war (spoiler alert) Sherman and his Union troops ravaged the southern homesteads.  Certain crops were spared because they were believed to be food for livestock.  Post-war fields of black eyed peas were plentiful for southerners back in the day.  Lucky for them, the beans are filling and easily harvested. 

Black eyed peas are traditionally served with greens (to represent money) and cornbread (gold). There is also typically pork in the form of ham, bacon, or roast as another nod to agrarian life.  My family likes the combination of black eyed peas with bacon so we have developed our own version of “Hoppin John” 

Wishing you good luck!

Hoppin’ John (Marotta style)

1 cup raw rice
½ pound bacon
½ yellow onion
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ to 1 teaspoon Tabasco sauce (to taste)
1 Can Black Eyed Peas

In a saucepan, cook rice according to package directions. Set aside.

Reserving ½ cup of liquid (“aka bean juice”) drain and rinse the black eyed peas.

In a skillet, fry the bacon until crispy. Reserve some of bacon grease in skillet and set aside bacon on a paper towel to drain.  Add onion to skillet and cook until translucent.  Your House will smell really good! 

Cut bacon into small pieces and add to onions in the skillet.  Stir in rice, beans, and bean juice.   Flavor with salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce. Mix and serve!

At Casa Marotta the main dish changes every year but we always include a side salad for the greens.  The gold will have to wait for 2016- I am all about Jiffy Cornbread! Not sure if any of this really brings luck but I love the tradition. Feel free to serve Hoppin John anytime this week for a great start to 2015.

Now my recipe for happiness.  This is trickier, but two of the key ingredients for happiness are challenge and personal growth.  Between my German heritage (Yager) and my doctoral training- my roots pull me strongly toward goal setting at the beginning of January.  Here are my “big picture” goals for cultivating happiness in 2015:

1.       Establish a Writing Routine. I love to write, I need to develop a habit of writing regularly.

 2.       Renew Relationships.  Sadness and struggles in friends and family have encouraged me to put more energy into regular positive connection.

3.       Focus on Health. I figure if I don’t have health it is hard to make anything else happen.

Over the course of the next few months I will allow these goals to organically form into smaller steps.  I don’t like to call them resolutions, I see them more as intentions. Use this template and take some time this week to begin setting your intentions. Big picture goal setting gives us the freedom to change the process of how to get there- without skimping on the motivation for challenge and personal growth. 

Wishing you happiness!

Thank you for reading, following, recommending, and/or sharing posts from my blog.

Happy New Year!

 

 

 

Mindfulness Mondays: Being Present

Suki Claus

Wishing you a Merry (Mindful) Christmas!

Love, 

Lisa & Suki

This week I will remember the best gift of all is being present

Feelings Friday: Five Ways You Can Help the Homeless

Television commercials at Christmastime call all shoppers to leave our homes and travel to the mall. Reams of catalogs fill our mailboxes with shiny stuff to add to our dinner table for the family we will welcome home.  Recipes for delicious sweets to make from scratch to bring to our work parties stream our email. We have warm shelter, meaningful work, friends, family, and we want more.

And at every street corner you see . . . panhandlers. Panhandlers are the visible among the invisible.

At last count there were 1300 homeless men, women, and children in the Metro area. Many struggle with addiction, mental illness, and domestic abuse.  Some are veterans. The chronic or episodic homeless are the invisible, you have to know where to look to find them.

It is believed that many panhandlers are not "really" homeless.  There are many reasons why a person would be willing to wait in the elements for someone to notice them. Whether homeless or just needy- I have learned the "why" really isn't my business.

My teacher is Rick Swyden. He is an ordinary person who does extra-ordinary things.  Rick's ministry began on  a trip New Years Eve in 2002 when he took the time to make eye contact and conversation with a man on the streets of San Antonio.  The first Sunday returning home Rick and his wife Susan made some hot dogs and brought bottled waters to the streets, alleys, vacant lots, and back-roads of downtown OKC. Rick hasn't missed a Sunday in eleven years.  He is known on the streets as "The Hot Dog Man" and his mission has grown to include young volunteers at schools and churches who decorate the bags, church groups who ride along to bring clothing, and whoever else wants to show up and help. Rick taught me that eye contact and a smile feed the deepest hunger- loneliness.

Rick also inspired Sister Barbara Joseph. Sister Barbara is a local nun who joined The Hot Dog Man long enough to recognize the need for the homeless to have a sense of community.  In January of 2006 she began her own work through Sister B.J.'s Pantry.  The downtown location serves as a space for connection.  Volunteers serve and interact with the homeless- the homeless have an opportunity to stay and talk with each other.  A beautiful garden is the focal point in this peaceful space.

There are no easy solutions for hunger, homelessness, and loneliness. But ordinary people are doing extraordinary things- would you like to help?

5 Ways You Can Help:

1. Pick a Sunday to ride along with the Hot Dog Man.
2. Donate water, white socks, or blue jeans to Sister B.J.'s Pantry.
3. Donate financially to Rick or Sister Barbara's ministries or the main shelters that provide for our chronic homeless in OKC.
4. Create a winter care package.  A gallon size bag will hold items easily  and can be distributed from your car. 
5. Don't forget to make eye contact, smile, and say hello when you see a lonely, hungry, or homeless person. Yours may be the only kind contact they have received in a very long time.

(Approximate cost $3. Hat @ Walmart, Gloves @ The Dollar Store)

Mindfulness Mondays: Reaching out with Joy

h/t Hot Dogs for the Homeless

"We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy." Joseph Campbell

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment, even if that moment is uncomfortable. This week allow yourself to notice those who are hurting and find one small way to bring joy.

Kindness counts.

This week I will bring joy to the sorrowful.

Mindfulness Mondays: One Thing At A Time

Happy Thanksgiving from Suki!

"I like mindfulness because it tells my brain to think about one thing at a time instead of . . . like...500 things!"
                                          First Grader

We conclude this month of gratitude with the intention of telling our brain to focus on one thing at a time.

Wishing you a calm mind, a still body, and a peaceful gathering at Thanksgiving from our house to yours.



This week I will focus on one thing at a time.