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| The thriving "Survivor Tree" OKC h/t Flickr 2008 |
There is a big difference between surviving and
thriving. We all know people who have
experienced crisis or trauma, and relive it every day. They have survived, but their identity is
consumed by the event. Thrivers have
their identity shaped by the event. They
are forever changed, but stronger. The
difference is resilience. Resilience is
a learnable skill, it is NOT a character trait.
Psychologists have been able to identify certain protective factors that
all of us can develop to build the skill of resilience.
Create Support.
Having healthy and supportive networks within and outside of your family
is invaluable. The “sweet spot” of how
many friends are necessary to provide buoyancy during turbulent times is unique
to the individual. Find your magic
number intentionally developing, investing, and nurturing solid relationships
starting today.
Foster Flexibility.
Rigidity does not work well when change happens. Practice being “bendy” with the little
things, like scaling back on your to do list when you have a hectic day. The more experience you have of developing a
Plan B the easier it will be to transition when unwanted change (Job loss,
health problem, or crisis) knocks on your door.
Practice Decisiveness. Two habits are debilitating during crisis:
passivity and avoidance. When disaster
strikes, action is required. Passivity
can lead to depression, and avoidance transforms into anxiety. Practice in
decision making and following through with action is empowering and
helps you to lead yourself in uncertain times.
Find Perspective. Be realistic in evaluating current
obstacles. Have you successfully resolved other challenges in the past? Is there reason to believe that circumstances
can improve? Seeking hopefulness within
a crisis is well worth the effort.
Realism and resilience are great partners in recovery.
I am continually inspired by the stories I hear every day in
my work as a psychologist. Thrivers use
their existing resources and develop new skills to navigate through the hard
times and come out ahead. Work on your ability to thrive- watch your resilience grow!
"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."
