Some call it superstition, I like to think of it as southern tradition- no matter how you look at "luck" it's time to mix up a bowl of black eyed peas.
2 cans black eyed peas, rinsed and drained
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can dark red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 can yellow corn, drained
8 sweet bell peppers, seeded and chopped (I used the red and orange for color)
One bunch of green onions, chopped
1 can of green chilies
1/2 Cup of fresh cilantro, cut with kitchen shears
1/2 Cup of red wine vinegar
2 teaspoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 cup vegetable oil
Lime optional for serving
In a large bowl mix together: Beans, corn, peppers, onions, and chilies. Add fresh cilantro.
Prepare dressing of vinegar, sugar,black pepper, and vegetable oil in a small bowl. Pour dressing into large bowl and toss to coat mixture evenly. Cover and place in refrigerator for several hours for best flavor.Squeeze lime wedges for added kick before serving
I plan to serve our Lucky New Year's Dip tomorrow with chips to boost our chances for the Sooner's football game.
Share some luck with neighbors too!
Wishing you a safe, lucky, and very Happy New Year! LLM
a place giving
temporary protection from bad weather or danger
Last year’s Oklahoma weather escalated the storm shelter business.
We Marottas waited five months to get ours installed. While it isn't as slick as a room remodel or
as fun as a backyard Jacuzzi, neither of these provides protection in tornado
country.
When our kids wore Keds the
bathroom was our safe place. The girls
plus dog could fit together in the bathtub with helmets, pillows, and at least
one book. My post was next to the tub
with candles and a battery operated radio, while Sweetness held vigil at the
television until the very last possible moment to add to the drama. Good times.
The Keds are now
replaced with size 8 Nike's, so we upgraded our safety to an in-ground-in-garage storm shelter. It's not much bigger than
a Jacuzzi, but it has a purpose- knowing we have shelter brings me peace.
verb
1.
protect or shield from
something harmful, especially bad weather
An internet search
yielded resources to the essential items to include in a survival kit. We also need to shelter the anxiety when we
are in our safe place so I have intentionally personalized our kit to bring comfort. Our “safe snacks” are foods we take on hikes,
with biscuits to coax our resident therapy dog down the steep stairs. Cards and
Mad-Libs will pass the time and bring some comic relief. The crotchet blankets are a Grammie legacy-
she sheltered me in my formative years.
The idea of us all sitting in a snug grey
box under my Ford called for just a little something extra. . . A focal point. Our shelter needed something to welcome us to safety.
For our family the Statue of Liberty is our visual anchor.
New York is where our
family began. Sweetness and I met and
married there. It is where the Artist. was born. New York is home to family and friends that feel like family. After the storm we know we will hear from them. Lady
Liberty gives us hope that we will weather the storm.
I wish you and your
family shelter and continued comfort this tornado season.
The smell of freshly baked cookies, a sparkly clean kitchen, stocked refrigerator, Christmas music, ... Oh, you must still be visioning your ideal Christmas again, sorry to interrupt.
Many of us lose that charming Fa La La when we begin the part time job of preparing for Christmas. Adding a Santa-Sized list to our already multi-tasking life can be overwhelming. Authors Robinson & Staeheli composed this list for their workshops and book entitled Unplug the Christmas Machine Grab your Ho Ho Pen (and some yummy hot cocoa) and lets get started . . .
Christmas To Do List - (1991) Unplug the Christmas Machine
Masterminding the gift list
Inviting friends to the party
Buying stocking stuffers
Cooking for the party
Making or buying stockings
Cleaning for the party
Making travel plans
Shopping for the party
Helping out at church
Cleaning up after the party
Helping out at school
Buying or cutting down a tree
Shopping for gifts
Decorating the tree
Making gifts
Helping with Christmas activities at work
Buying wrapping supplies
Wrapping gifts
Making or buying decorations for the house
Mailing gifts
Family Advent preparations
Cleaning up after Christmas
Planning holiday menus for immediate family
Writing thank-yous
Getting kids to write thank-yous
Putting away decorations
Disposing of the tree (putting artificial tree away)
Doing special grocery shopping for immediate family
Doing holiday baking for family
Getting ready for relatives
Taking down outside decorations
Cooking and shopping for family reunions
Planning family reunions
Preparing for holiday travel
Writing notes on cards
Putting up inside decorations
Planning a holiday party for friends
Volunteering for charity
Other_________________________
Step One: Review- Which tasks are primarily your responsibility? Step Two: Record- Which tasks elicit the "bah humbug" feeling? Step Three: Remember- Which tasks most closely align with your value system? Step Four: Reflect- What small changes to your list would create greater meaning this year?
Thanks for the terrific sharing of Christmas memories last week. Please comment with any "aha moments" you experienced in reviewing the Christmas list.
Walk down any street here in Oklahoma and you will notice
that many trees still have their leaves, lawns are green, and some days
it’s even warm enough to leave your jacket at home. But walk into any local retail store, and Shazaam- its
Christmas!
If the countdown makes you sweat you might need to readjust
your approach to the Holiday.
First take a moment to visualize your ideal Christmas.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Who are you with?
What is your overall mood?
If you are like most
people your fantasy Christmas involves a clean house with a fire burning, the
special people in your life gathered laughing with a joyful heart, and you are
the picture of contented calm. At a
recent seminar for the Edmond Chamber of Commerce a participant shared that in her
fantasy she was in Hawaii with her immediate family and someone was cooking for
them. She won’t really be in Hawaii this
Christmas. In a past workshop a woman laughingly shared that every year she pictured her family singing Christmas Carols around the
piano. She
realized that might be a problem since she doesn't own a piano and no one in
her family knows how to play (or sing for that matter).
So what fuels these fantasy holidays? Messages are delivered directly to your
mailbox, inbox, and living room every day in the form of advertising. We are shown image after image of stylish homes
with a roaring fireplace and happy families.
We are sold on perfection, and for most people the reality is far from
the fantasy. Let’s stop the subliminal competition
to make this year the BEST for our family (including mom) and reset our intentions
to make it meaningful.
Now pause for a moment and consider past Christmases. What made your heart sing? What was a special memory?
Time with family and friends?
The meal or the gift exchange?
Volunteering?
Increased spirituality or religious participation?
THAT is your new focus.
In the upcoming weeks we will develop your realistic holiday
vision into an action plan that less about the stress, and more about what you REALLY want for
Christmas.
When both of my daughters left for school this year, I went into a career crisis. I should clarify which career was in crisis- my parenting career. In twenty years of private practice I have always been a dual career person, juggling all things home and all things work on a daily basis.
I felt stressed, stumped, and uncertain.
But I wanted to celebrate their independence! This is after all the point of parenting isn't it? To launch them into their own unique selves, to watch them grow ultimately into their own person-hood?
What about me? I whined (in my head) What should I do now?
When I spoke out loud about it, everyone had an opinion and often a board position. This much I know, my empty nest was not yearning for a board position. I tend to volunteer for everything and dread the meetings.
So after some very pitiful thrashing about and moping in a beloved robe I started reading.
I read incredible books like:
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown The Right to Write by Brenda Ueland Born Standing Up by Steve Martin (!) The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin
I also went to class. Not a long term semester long commitment, a mini course on blogging. You faithful readers may not have detected change in my blogging-yet- there has been much behind the scenes work and change is coming. In class I have met some inspiring, talented women bloggers and at home I have spent countless hours doing homework that should take fifteen minutes.(LOVING IT!)
Steven Covey describes a paradigm shift with this metaphor: You are driving around Dallas hopelessly lost even though you have a map. You suddenly realize that your map is of Chicago.
My paradigm has officially shifted. My ache was not to fill my time with more doing- at this developmental stage it is all about the being. I find myself not filling the nest, but instead feathering the nest with all things creative, more time to moodle, connect, doodle, and write.
I am not Amish. I fully admit to loving technology and all of the conveniences that come with being "plugged in." Despite my affinity for all things plugged I took the challenge and went off screens for one full week. It was like a trip back in time, except I did have a "mobile" so I could make and receive calls. No texts. No camera. No FaceBook. No email. No exceptions.
It was . . . different.
Driving was super quiet. I would like to tell you I was a less distracted driver but I rediscovered old past times for my commute. Looking out of the windows.Watching other drivers. Listening to the radio. Did you hear that NPR aired a special on the Screen Free Week with the author of Doug Unplugged? It was awesome.
Home was equally quiet. I found myself particularly productive. I cleaned, weeded, exercised, read (a book with pages!), and stayed up late. When the "land line" phone rang I didn't recognize the sound. I was thrilled to hear my college kiddo's voice! She called the home number after trying my cell, and waiting for the text back that never came.
"Who wrote the Max and Ruby series?"
"Where is the restaurant?"
"How many WW points is . . . ?"
"Would you order me tickets for the Listen to Your Mother show?
Family members and friends were stressed by my seven day experiment. I was like a three year old with all of my questions. They even nicknamed me "bossy pants" for delegating all google searches their way. Hey--I said thank you!
I stocked the waiting room with games, new toys, and information about SFW. Many clients participated willingly, some not so much. I saw families playing cards, reading, and talking more. It was like time travel.
Here are my personal conclusions from my venture out of the informational age:
Talking was more meaningful and memorable than texting.
Boredom didn't kill me.
Boundaries for screens made me more focused.
Time out from technology meant more movement (one day I logged 16,000 steps!)
I'm officially back on the grid, but making some changes.
We are less than seven days away from Screen Free Week 2013. This month I have posted about problems with attention span, communication, obesity, and poor academic performance in our children that is linked to the overuse of technology. What more can be said?
Don't be afraid.
“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.” Do you know who said this?
I hope your "take away" from SFW 2013 is restored balance. Balance for yourself and for your family. Empower yourself and your family by developing well considered boundaries and limits for technology. Use your time-out wisely.
In my quest to give you good unbiased information I learned a new term "juvenoia." Juvenoia is the fear that young people are changing the mores of society and basically sending our world to heck in a handbasket. I don't believe that. I am optimistic about children and teenagers. They need our leadership not our fear.
Did you figure out who authored the above quote?
Socrates (469-399 BC)!
Please consider using next week to reflect on your reliance on technology and examine its role in your family life. I will not be posting next week to give you (and me) a chance to unplug.
The statistics about bullying at school are readily
available.Over 160,000 children stay
home from school every day in the U.S. because they are afraid of being bullied
at school.Bullies are four times more
likely to engage in criminal behavior in adulthood.Being a bully or a victim increases the
likelihood of depression and suicidal thoughts.Certainly we need to advocate for clear and consistent policies at
school, but what can we do at home?
As the leaders in our family we have a responsibility to set
the tone and culture within our family.How we respond to conflict and tension is contagious.Our kids will watch what we do and pass it on. Both
bullies and victims need social skills coaching to break the cycle of bad relationships.Consider these suggestions to create a bully
free home:
Increase your
Awareness:
Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes someone harm or discomfort.It may be physical, verbal, or social.The target is someone who has trouble defending him/herself and does nothing to “cause”the behavior.American Psychological Association
Is there bullying
going on between the adults in the family?
If the adults in the family are struggling with aggressive communication
then this is the place to start.I call
it the “my way or the highway” view of leadership or the “win-lose” mentality.If you see
things my way, I win.If you get to do
things your way, I lose.Communication
stops being about expression and understanding instead it becomes about
persuasion and influence.Working on
this aspect of the adult relationship is foundational.If patterns are longstanding and persistent,
please seek counseling support to learn a new way of interacting that will
benefit all of the relationships in your home.
Create a Family Policy:
Encourage the pro-social behaviors of kindness, empathy,
cooperation, and forgiveness. Make opportunities for everyone to interact positively with one another in group
projects, family fun, and volunteer work.Assist your
children in resolving conflicts through talking and listening and demonstrate
how to “agree to disagree.”Make a clear “no bullying” boundary in your family.
When sibling behavior is escalating into bully/victim roles
stop the action immediately and separate the siblings.Calmly assist each child individually in regaining self-control and then
discuss alternative ways to manage frustration.
The bully needs to recognize that aggressive behavior is
unacceptable in the family and will always result in a consequence. Keep
intervention quick and clear, the consequence fair and easy to follow through.
The victim needs the reassurance of safety and the message
that telling isn’t tattling.Assertive
skills such as telling the sibling that his/her behavior isn’t kind, walking
away, and playing somewhere else might need to be practiced.
Apologies are important but need time to be genuine. If bullying behavior is resistant to change with positive parenting techniques consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health counselor. Undiagnosed attention problems, sensory sensitivity, anxiety, or depression can contribute to bullying behavior and more intensive treatment will help you to restore peaceful negotiations in your family.
Be Consistent:
The effort you put into correcting aggressive behavior at
home (without losing your temper!) will pay off in the long run.By creating a bully free zone at home you are
increasing the odds that your children will be better problem solvers and
prepared with the necessary assertiveness to manage
difficult situations at school and in the community.
What family boundaries help you to create a bully free home?
Usually life is goes along in more or less a predictable fashion. You have a set schedule for work, you have developed a rhythm in your home life with carpool, dinner, homework time. And then you get what Gaily Sheehy defines as "the call."
Your parent is ill, or has fallen.
Life as you know it changes radically.
According to a 2013 poll (PEW research) almost half (47%) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child (age 18 or older). Even without a medical crisis women are typically providing support to two generations. Family caregiving is rewarding, stressful, important, exhausting, and ongoing.
Why are so many women the designated family caregivers? Women are relational. We are socialized to connect and provide care to our families. This is a wonderful gift and although it is not exclusive to our gender, it is an area of increased attention as our parents are living longer and not necessarily healthier. The term for this population was defined by Carol Abaya in 2006 and is widely used in caregiving circles as "the sandwich generation."
Here is the menu:
Traditional Sandwich: People caring for aging parents while raising their own children.
Club Sandwich: People in their 50's or 60's caring for aging parents and adult children/or grandchildren. Also people in their 30's and 40's caring for aging parents, and grandparents, while raising their own young children.
Open Face Sandwich: All other caregivers who provide volunteer support to family, neighbors, friends.
What is it like living a sandwiched life?
In answering "the call" it feels like a crisis, but really it is more like a marathon. The average length of elder care following a medical crisis is four and a half years. When our family is in crisis, the typical response is to be on high alert--set everything aside to focus on the problem. Sleep, eating, self-care, become less organized to mobilize for the crisis. Now imagine that this response has to extend for at least four years.
The formula has to change or there will be another crisis, this time "the call" will be the caregiver because of burn out.
Nobody likes a burned sandwich. The psychological risks are depression, anxiety, and isolation. The medical risks are serious illness from extended sleep deprivation and skipping necessary prevention tests that can alert the caregiver to early illness.
You need more ingredients in your sandwich. Namely support for the care giver. One woman nicknamed she and her sister "the peanut butter and jelly girls" to celebrate their commitment to their parents and each other in caregiving. Finding useful and reliable support as soon as possible is the prevention plan for all caregivers.
Gail Sheehy has written an amazing resource for all types of caregivers. Passages for Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence, delivers on the title's promise. Whether you are already providing family caregiving or not, you will find something of value. Sheehy provides thorough research in an easy to read format that offers creative solutions to family caregiving, with particular attention to care for the caregiver.
You are just one click away from Website resources that can pinpoint support groups and online menus for special dietary problems, and inspiring stories that will lift your spirit during the difficult days of family caregiving.
As we continue to celebrate National Women's History Month let us all make a commitment to reach out to friends who are living like a sandwhich with a meal, gift card, errand, or a listening ear. If you are actively providing family caregiving you have our permission to give yourself a break, you are worth it.
Do you have a story about family caregiving that you would like to share? Please leave a comment.
We could all learn some new tricks
from an old dog. Suki is not only my pet, she is my co-therapist on Wednesday
afternoons. The teenagers in my practice love the fur off of her. Suki's secret
to connecting with teens? She is a master at attunement.
What is attunement? Attunement is a
deep form of empathy. It begins with observing the nonverbal clues of another's
emotional state and progresses to matching their internal experience.
Attunement is an internal and external emotional connection that creates a
reciprocal emotional experience between two beings. You become "in synch."
Attunement comes easily to most
parents with infants. The baby cries and scrunches up its little face, and the
parent listens to the pitch and intensity of the cry- and then either leans in
closer to connect or puts the child down to match the emotional need.. As
exhausting as babies can be this natural process of connection by attending and
emotional matching gets more and more complicated once the child becomes less
dependent.
When a teenager is in my office,
Suki pads out of her crate with her head bowed and tail wagging. She doesn't
make eye contact right away. She lets the teenager warm up to her first. Then
she blasts them with a full dose of intense eye contact and closeness. She
leans her head on their lap. She assesses their mood and responds accordingly:
Anxious:
Leans gently or glides down to show them her belly to rub.
Happy:
Wags her tail and sits patiently for them to pat her as they share their
story. Depressed:
Gentle licks and stillness. She has moaned a few times. Mad:
Returns to her crate to give them some space.
Because Suki cannot rely on verbal
communication, she maximizes her observation of nonverbal communication. She is
not thrown off by bravado, or fake happiness. Suki watches and decides for
herself and responds accordingly. She is perfectly attuned.
In order to build trust, increase a
positive relationship, and establish a collaborative culture in our teen . . .
we have to make room to practice attunement.
Six steps to attunement with your
teenager:
1.Observe body language and level of
energy. 2.Listen to the tone of language. 3.Interpret the message of how your
teenager is really feeling. 4.Feel the emotion in your own body. 5.Respond by moving closer or giving
space. 6.Decide if this is the right timing
to discuss how the day went, or how the evening needs to go, or just be quiet
and present- based on 1-5. There is an ebb and flow of
emotional energy that runs like a current through the normal teenager. We
parents typically have terrible timing. Admit it, there are times when you are
less responsive to what your teenager wants from you- that is how it feels to
them when we rush in with our list when they are not receptive. Attunement is a welcome alighnment of emotional energy. It will over
time improve your communication (consider the difference between monologue and
dialogue) and your relationship.
So, think like an old dog when your teenager comes in from
school. There is a treat in it for you! Please share about your attunement practice.
On Sunday my daughter and I took a long walk in a local park.It was refreshing to see many other families also
enjoying the opportunity to be outside.Making fitness fun is important. Signing your child up for a gym
membership doesn’t work any better than putting them on a diet.The mindset of lifestyle change clearly applies
to physical activity.I am writing this
blog in Oklahoma, where 34% of children under the age of eighteen are
overweight or obese.There is a reason
why we have to be intentional about targeting “move more” in the formula of
healthy weight loss.Many kids are
hardly moving.
When I was growing up- we played outside.I remember being called in for a dinner break and then the thrill of
getting to rejoin my friends for more play time afterwards in the summer
evenings because it was still light outside. It was a different time.Our parents weren’t afraid we would be
abducted, and we weren’t afraid we were “missing out” on electronics.Actually there were no captivating
electronics. In 2012 a healthy lifestyle is almost counter-cultural.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has very specific recommendations about
developing a healthy weight for children.Unfortunately, many parents don’t have access to this information
because they don’t ask about their child’s BMI at doctor visits.Seventy percent of parents of severely
overweight children do not recognize that their child is overweight.If parents don’t ask, physicians don’t
tell.Consider this a public health
announcement- AAP encourages parents to:
1.Limit screen time (Electronics) to 2 hours or less per
day.
2.Encourage one hour or more of daily physical
activity.This does not have to be
consecutive.
3.Develop a habit for children of eating breakfast.
4.Regularly eat meals together as a family.
5.Prepare meals mostly at home.Limit take- out and fast food.
6.Encourage children to eat 5 fruits and vegetables
daily.
7.Switch to low fat dairy products.
8.Limit sugar sweetened drinks.
Think variety when incorporating fitness into your healthy lifestyle with
your child. Take a walk as a family, ride bikes. Go to the park and play, the
bowling alley and bowl. Take a nature inspired vacation. Once you start thinking
healthy movement you can be far more creative than anything a gym membership
can provide for your family- and you will get better buy in!
Inspire others! Please share your family's fun fitness ideas by commenting.
In 2013 "The Biggest Loser" television show has committed to raise awareness about childhood obesity. According to the Center for Disease Control more than one third of all adults 17% (12.5 million!) children aged 2-19 are obese in the United States. This statistic does not include overweight children and teens. In fact, physicians are raising the concern that this generation of young people may be outlived by their parents. If you have never watched "The Biggest Loser" in the past, consider watching at least one episode this season. In addition to the typical antics of making adult contestants do unusual challenges to win a grand prize, they have included three overweight children and their families participating from home to become healthier.
So what does it take to "win" at losing weight?
If you've ever tried to lose weight you know the answer is complicatedly simple: eat less, move more.
Part One: Changing your food lifestyle
According to 30 years of research, psychologist Dr. Leonard Epstein has concluded "it all starts with the family." Rather than focusing on what NOT to eat, the best interventions are educational and involve life style change. In other words. Kids don't do diets. If you look closely at the research on adult obesity. Parents don't do diets well either.
Lifestyle change involves an important shift away from "diet" mentality and embracing the concept of thinking "healthy." Some healthy habits to start (or continue):
Parents need to educate themselves on good nutrition. Do a thorough google search to find a website where the information is delivered in a way that you can digest (ha!). Consider joining weight watchers or seeing a nutritionist if you or your family have special needs or if you prefer face to face information.
It takes time to create a good refrigerator stocked with easy access to cut vegetables and fresh fruits. But when it comes to kids: if you prepare it they will eat! Okay, maybe not the first time . . . or so. Just don't give up!
Clear the clutter: Remove the alternative high sugar, high calorie foods. Will your child be eager to eat over at their friends house for awhile? Absolutely. But ultimately your household will have more influence on your child's eating habits over the long term.
Remember you can't call something a "treat" if you eat it every day. Reverse the pattern of what is eaten as a habit, and "treat" your family once in awhile with a special dessert.
The challenge in my weight watcher 360 meeting last week was to do a refrigerator make-over. We took before pictures to increase our awareness of what we were facing each time we opened the door. Then we were encouraged to invest in some clear containers and "have fun" preparing fresh fruits and vegetables that would be easy access and pleasing to view when it was time to search for a snack. Here is my before and after:
The carrots were always there- who knew?
Do you want to start winning at losing?
Commit to one small shift in your food lifestyle, either in thoughts or deeds, and share in the comments!
Last week in Oklahoma felt longer than seven days.After record breaking extreme heat with temperatures exceeding 100, the wind did its prairie thing and wildfires surrounded our town.The vigil of news watching, checking on friends, and collecting stories began like other recent disasters: The tsunami, hurricanes, and tornadoes. Kate (my high school senior) sat with a friend who was not allowed to return to her neighborhood most of Wednesday evening because of the proximity to burning homes.Thursday the threat of wildfire burned into my every moment awareness.The morning news informed us that the stretch of property across the highway was evacuated and on alert for “hot spots.”
Fire in our friend's neighborhood
Faced with the awareness that Sal would be out of the house most of the day, Kate at school, and me at work I looked around at our belongings and decided to pack a “no burn bag” to bring with me. With 15 minutes before I needed to leave for the day I canvassed rooms to fill the bag with the most important stuff.
Going through the motions of preparing to leave increased my anxiety.It reminded me of CPR training when part of you realizes that it is just practice, but on some level the reality of the responsibility is logged in your adrenalin.I informed Kate of my project and asked her to go into her room to select her precious items.
I panicked in Lindsay’s room. It was 9 in the morning and away at college she understandably did not answer her cell phone. I considered her art work, but which ones?I decided on two of her blown glass pieces.They were small and I reasoned that if I picked the wrong thing she would at least appreciate the effort.
Kate was waiting in the hallway. She handed me one thing--her “Grammie blanket.” Kate said she looked around and asked herself “what can’t be replaced?All the rest was just stuff. "
Grammie was my mother’s mother and a pivotal figure in my life.She crocheted a baby sized blanket for each of my girls while I was pregnant with them. Grammie died when Kate was three and Lindsay was seven.I reminisce aloud about Grammie on a regular basis. I had tucked two photos of her already in the bag.
Suki came to work (even though it wasn’t her usual day) and I kept the bag in my trunk.I felt some relief knowing that my family was safe and the most valuable “stuff” was ready if I couldn’t return home.
Later that evening the wild fires were under control.The evacuees returned to their neighborhoods, the wind died down and news switched to the ordinary.I finally heard back from the college kid. Nine hours away she was blissfully unaware of the fire dangers. When I told her about “the no burn bag” she reflected for a moment and asked what I picked from her room.
“Did I pick the right thing?” I asked
“Well, actually the only thing that came to my mind was my Grammie blanket.”
Parenting and growing up is a messy business, is being part of a family worth it?
I can remember mornings when I struggled to find clothes that were reasonably clean of spit up.Sleep walking through weeks without uninterrupted rest. Potty training, enough said. In later years it was the hassle over homework and limit setting that frazzled my nerves.Hours spent sitting in music lessons and then at home supervising squeaking instruments and squawking protests about practice.Clutching the side door handle to log driving time before they got their license. Volunteering to attend board (boring) meetings to pitch in and make school a more encouraging place. I admit to frequent “laundry runs” to pass through the living room chaperoning snuggling teens on the couch so they wouldn’t get too comfortable.Parenting, leadership, is not always fun.
Following is no picnic either.My children also had to sacrifice in their growing up years. Who really wanted to wear matching shirts on family trips so we could all stay together?I am sure it feels awful to have to eat brussel sprouts and other suspiciously green food when what you really want is dessert.Potty training, enough said.Having to go to bed when there is more fun going on in the house.The agony of being forced to study for something that “doesn’t have anything to do with real life.” Stress over hearing your parents argue and worrying that they will get divorced.Being the last kid to have a cell phone, a Face book account, designer jeans . . . at least that’s what they told me.
For our family there were so many times that patience, self-control, and delayed gratification were required to tame the beast in us that wanted to lash out, run away, or give up. It is the power of family that makes it all possible.
Regardless of the shape, size, or configuration of your family I hope you think it is all worth it. I do.
Watch this video to see a very unusual portrait of the power of family:
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