Thank You Elvis, Thank You Very Much

Elvis 1970

It's January 8 friends, and it's Elvis Presley's birthday.

Elvis was already "The King" when I was a kid. I was one of the billions who experienced his Aloha Tour. The connection he made with his audience was magical, reaching all the way through satellite to little 11 year old me sitting cross legged on the shag carpet in my parent's bedroom. The opening warm up still gives me goose bumps.

His records influenced my love of music, his death taught me the dangers of addiction.

Today is a special day and you may choose your own adventure but as for me- I am putting on my blue suede boots and listening to Elvis radio. How will you celebrate?

Mindfulness Mondays: Murmurations

Greetings from Santa Fe!  My journey has begun in this beautiful place to experience and learn more about integrated medicine.

Today we were introduced to "the new science" of consciousness. This video captures the flight of starlings called murmurations. These synchronistic patterns were used to illustrate how some communication cannot be explained through traditional scientific understanding.

Some of our communication and connection to one another may be transmitted without conscious awareness.


I will be more aware of my connection to others.

Mental Illness Awareness:The Selfies, Creativity, and Struggles of Vincent Van Gogh

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." 
Vincent Van Gogh

Santa Fe: Eminem from Trauma to Recovery

Eminem never claimed to be a role model. His lyrics are intense, angry, and filled with profanity.  His videos are graphically sexual and violent.  Eminem’s music references addiction and crime.  Listen carefully if you can because this is the story of his life experience.  Eminem is a living example of what counselors mean when we describe “kids from hard places.”

At the Creativity and Madness Conference,*Annette Fortino, LMSW, treated us all to an in depth case study of the traumatized child Marshall Bruce Mathers who grew up to be the best-selling artist in the 2000's and named King of Hip Hop by Rolling Stone Magazine.

Background:

·         Marshall was born to two musical parents in Missouri in 1972.

·         Father left the family when he was an infant.

·         No relationship with his father while growing up.

·         Mother reportedly addicted to pills and alcohol, physically abusive

·         Multiple moves, from little towns in Missouri to Michigan approximately every 1-2 years.

·         Settled into Detroit during teen years at the time that Detroit was in rapid urban decline, with 23% unemployment and high crime.

·         Half-brother removed from the home when Eminem was 15

·         Dropped out of school at 17

Marshall was lacking in support and mentoring throughout his formative years, and had an ambivalent attachment to his mother.  His Uncle Ronnie (mother’s half-brother) was a few years older than Marshall and they were reportedly very close.  Ronnie gave Marshall a dictionary and introduced him to his first rap song.  The dictionary sparked a fascination with words. His uncle committed suicide as a young teen.

Marshall took his love of words, his natural musicality, and expressed his pain through lyrics.  He became involved in the emerging Hip Hop culture and enrolled in freestyle rap battles.  The stage name Eminem was an evolution of M&M.  Marshall’s persistence, practice, and dedication propelled him to enter contests where he ultimately became discovered by Dr. Dre.

Trauma leaves a neurological mark on a child which remains throughout the life span.  Typical behavioral symptoms include difficulty regulating emotions, aggression, impulse control problems, and negative self-image.  The body remembers.  Eminem is known for his rapid fire, complex rhyming, and lyrics that release the pain.  Recovery from trauma involves making meaning of the experience through empowerment.  Words and music continue to help Marshall save himself. Check out Cleanin Out My Closet.

Fame was not without trauma.  His mother sued him for defamation of character in a 10 million dollar lawsuit.  She was awarded damages of less than two thousand dollars.  Traveling for tours disrupted Eminem’s sleep and he began taking pills to sleep. Alcohol and pain killers followed soon afterward.

Recovery from addiction brought about other changes in Eminem.  He publicly (and privately) forgave his mother in his song Headlights, and he began raising his only daughter.  Eminem has just released a new album and is active in NA and AA in Los Angeles.  He has developed a charity (The Marshall Mathers Foundation) for disadvantaged youth.

Eminem’s recovery from trauma and addiction will be a lifelong intention to live one day at a time. His journey through the pain reminds us that creativity is transformational.  

*If there are any errors in this post please forgive me, they are unintentional and the result of poor note taking on my part and not the dynamic and intensive work of the presenter: Annette Fortino, LMSW,ACSW,CAADC,EMDR certified.  Ms. Fortino traveled from Michigan to Santa Fe with her son Joe, who performed percussion to enhance the presentation of this artist.  They received a standing ovation for this informative and inspirational study. 

Santa Fe: Pensamientos Positivos

Georgia's workspace and materials from Abiquiu
on display at the O'Keefe Museum, Santa Fe.

"I have been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."

Georgia O'Keefe

Santa Fe: Pensamientos Positivos



Starry Night by D. Arthur
Art Gone Wild Galleries, Santa Fe NM

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
Vincent Van Gogh

Santa Fe: Pensamientos Positivos

Yachac/Shaman heals conference
attendee

• "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift"
•  
• Albert Einstein

Santa Fe: Pensamientos Positivos

Sending positive thoughts and beautiful images
 from Santa Fe, The City Different.

"I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad.  My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few."
Brene Brown

The Cookie Project: Biscochitos (Frida's Favorites)

If you are a frequent visitor of this blog you will not be surprised by my decision to dedicate a recipe to Frida Kahlo for The Cookie Project. My acquired taste and growing admiration for this artist has its roots in my love of Santa Fe, New Mexico.  On a trip down Canyon Road you will find Frida inspired artworks throughout the many galleries, and respectful tributes to her in the local shops.  This Sunday I am returning  again to Santa Fe for the Creativity and Madness Conference.  In honor of Frida I researched a cultural recipe that is usually served at traditional Mexican weddings on the dessert bar, or given as gifts to the wedding guests.  These Mexican cookies are beautiful, more fragile than they look, and very high maintenance. I like to think that Frida would approve.
 
Biscochitos (Mexican Wedding Cookies)


1 Cup Walnuts
1 Cup room temperature unsalted butter
1/2 Cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 Cups flour

Powdered Sugar for rolling
Makes 2 dozen medium sized cookies

Step One
In a medium skillet toast the walnuts over medium heat, shaking often until lightly browned (this took me two tries- I had the flame too hot!) for about five minutes.  Transfer toasted walnuts into a freezer container and freeze for at least one hour (I did overnight).

Step Two
Beat the butter until creamy, add sugar and beat again.  Add salt, vanilla extract and beat again.  The cookie dough will be crumbly.

Take the frozen walnuts and crush them to small bits.  I put my walnuts into a baggie then used the flat side of a large knife to repeatedly "wack them" (highly technical baking term).  Some recipes suggested a food processor to "grind" them- you get the gist I hope.

Stir the ground walnuts into your cookie dough and refrigerate for one hour.

Step Three

Preheat oven to 325 degrees

Form the dough into little balls (about tablespoon size) and place one inch apart on a parchment lined cookie sheet.

Bake for 12 minutes.

Step Four

Sprinkle powdered sugar on a clean room temperature cookie sheet.  When the cookies are still warm (about 3 minutes) roll them CAREFULLY in the powdered sugar and set aside.

When the cookies are completely cooled- roll them again in the powdered sugar.

Step Five

Eat them- you've worked hard for this nutty, sweet, crumbly treat!

Frida Kahlo: Painting through Chronic Pain and PTSD

 I was excited to learn more about Frida Kahlo this year at the Creativity and Madness conference, I have been drawn to her self portraits since becoming a regular visitor to Santa Fe.  Ms. Tanya Radic, RN had some terrific slides some of which I could not locate for this post, but I will do my best to represent contextual information about this remarkable painter.

"My painting carries with it the message of pain." Frida Kahlo

Frida Kahlo was one of the most famous Mexican artists. She is remembered as a prolific painter, political activist, outspoken feminist, and strong personality.  Her paintings have bright cultural colors, and intense subject matter.  Although she did not consider herself a surrealist painter, her work has been praised within that genre.

The early years:  Frida Kahlo's was born in Mexico City, Mexico  (1906) in a house built by her father called Casa Azul (the Blue House).  Her early childhood was impacted by the Mexican revolution, so much so, that Frida sometimes changed her birth date to further associate with the beginning of the war. Her mother reportedly fed soldiers who jumped over the stone wall surrounding the house, before they returned for battle in the streets.  Kahlo suffered from polio at age 6, which disfigured her right leg and confined her for nine months of recovery. She was a bright student who had dreams of becoming a doctor and was one of very few females accepted into an exclusive preparatory school.

"I am not sick.  I am broken. I am happy as long as I can paint."

Post Traumatic Stress: Life changed instantly for Frida at age 18 when she was riding a bus that was hit by a trolly train.  Many people were killed in the accident and Frida was not expected to live.  Her injuries were the cause of chronic pain, multiple surgeries, and many miscarriages throughout her life.  While recovering for months in the hospital Frida began to paint with watercolors her father brought her during one of his visits. 

 

The shift from pain to painting was significant in the emotional healing of Frida Kahlo.  Her work is graphic and provokes an emotional response.  Of her 145 known paintings, 54 are self portraits.  It would seem she was perpetually trying to understand herself in relation to her physical and emotional injuries.

When she returned to the preparatory school following her accident she met Diego Rivera, 20 years older than Frida, who was already a famous muralist. Their friendship turned into a difficult marriage marked with infidelity, separation, divorce, and remarriage to each other. Their relationship was the inspiration of many paintings throughout their marriage. As a couple they were active in the communist party, and famous for their art during their lifetime.

As a psychologist I admire Kahlo's courage in sharing her emotional experience so openly with others.  By translating her pain into paint, Kahlo made a bold move from victim (of polio, war, train wreck, infidelities) to survivor.  She invites us to understand the triumph of the human spirit over tragedy through her deeply personal story. 

 

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.”

― Frida Kahlo

 

 

Kahlo died in Casa Azul at age 47 from surgical complications following the partial amputation of her leg.  In 1958 Casa Azul became a museum filled with her original artwork and artifacts of her life.

 

Where to read more:

• A Biography of Frida Kahlo (1983)  Hayden Herrera
• Frida (2002) a film starring Salma Hayek nominated for six Academy Awards and won for Best Makeup and Original Score.
• The Lacuna (2009) Barbara Kingsolver
• Frida Kahlo biography

 

 

Rachmaninoff Reprised

 

 

 

Our virtual tour of the Creativity and Madness Conference will begin with the presentation of Dr. Richard Kogan, psychiatrist and concert pianist.  Dr. Kogan is masterful in his biographies of composers. He speaks entirely from memory and then rushes to the piano to flawlessly perform a portion of work that illustrates his point about the composer. I have never experienced anything like Dr. Kogan's presentations.

 

This year Dr. Kogan highlighted the work of Sergei Rachmaninoff.  Disclaimer: This post is from my notes, any mistakes/errors in the biography are my own.  I am admittedly starstruck with Dr. Kogan, and may wander off in my note taking . . . 

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873-1943)

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff was born in Russia to an aristocratic family although his father was irresponsible financially, and the money didn't last long.  His grandmother was a very religious Russian orthodox and had a strong influence on Sergei's growing up years, taking him to daily mass after his father abandoned the family.

 

His parents did not find anything remarkable about Sergei during his childhood, he would often refuse to practice the piano and they considered him lazy.  When he was caught forging his grades at 12 years old he was sent to the equivalent of "Pianist Boot camp." Once there Sergei demonstrated an ability to compose music but he eventually had to leave the school because of a conflict with the headmaster.

 

Sergei then went to the Moscow Conservatory where he met and was mentored by Tchaikovsky.  This was a key relationship in Rachmaninoff's life and Tchaikovsky quickly recognized something special in his student.  By 19 Sergei was "world famous" and was paid $20 for his Prelude in C sharp Minor.  He reported having heard the composition form in its entirety inside of his head and was quoted as saying "it had to be so there it was." If you listen carefully to this piece you will hear the church bells tolling as a nod to his grandmother.

Tchaikovsky died suddenly and his death had a profound effect on young Sergei.  He wrote Trio élégiaque No. 2  to express his sorrow for his friend and mentor and it received terrible reviews.  Sergei suffered from major depression for three years and was completely blocked in his composing which led him to seek counseling from a hypnotherapist named Dr. Dahl. 

 

Dr. Dahl was also a skilled violaist.  His treatment plan for Rachmaninoff was:

1. Sleep through the night.
2. Improve his daytime mood.
3. Reawaken his desire to compose.
4. Improve his eating.

Dahl's posthypnotic suggestion was that Sergei would begin to compose with great facility and it would be of excellent quality.

 

Sergei began composing again and ended treatment in 1900.  His Piano Concerto Number 2 in C Minor was written during this productive time.  Typically the violins introduce the melody to the symphony but in this work it is the violas that bring the melody.  He dedicated this piece to Dr. Dahl.

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff  battled depression on and off for the rest of his life and openly acknowledged his mental illness. He is quoted as saying "My mental sickness sits in me so firmly . . . the pain only stops when I am playing . . . "

 

As a grown man, Sergei was 6'6" and may have had a pituitary disorder (like Abraham Lincoln) which could account for his hand size and expansive finger span.  His compositions are challenging for even the most skilled pianists.  He was reported to be a "meticulous pianist" known for his craftsmanship- a far cry from his early "lazy years."

 

Rachmaninoff was successful in his marriage and had a good relationship with his children.  He died of melanoma in 1943 and his last words were reportedly "Farewell my poor hands."

 

Dr. Kogan recommended these biographies for more information:

 

Rachmaninoff: Life, Works, Recordings by Max Harrison (2006)

Rachmaninoff by Michael Scott (2008)

 

We are all eagerly anticipating 2014 Creativity and Madness with Dr. Kogan, I wonder who we will study next?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Ode to Creativity and Madness

 

The Worrell Gallery

After a week in beautiful Santa Fe at the Creativity and Madness Conference, I am renewed in my commitment to promote mental health/ wellness, and fight the stigma of mental illness.

I am also refreshed.  It is an inspiring place and an incredible conference. I wish you could've come with me, but maybe this month we can virtually travel together.

Take a deep breath and smell the fresh sage, the mountain air.

What do composer Sergei Rachmaninoff, artist Frida Kahlo, native american leader Crazy Horse, and entrepeneur Steve Jobs all have in common? Each were creative, outstanding in their life work, and had a diagnosible mental illness. 

Out of the all of the artistis that we studied this past week, only one- Rachmaninoff- sought treatment for symptoms of mental illness. His treatment was brief and successful in removing his writer's block, but social stigma discouraged him from continuing his therapy once his creativity returned.  Racmaninoff''s depression was debilitating. 

Our society has come a long way in the effectiveness of treatment and recognizing the value of intervention, but we have a long way to go. 

Historically, learning disabilities were considered a sign of ignorance and certain students were deemed"unteachable." Traditionally unsuccessful students Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison to name a few, inspired attention and research to assist unconventional learners.  Looking at the least restrictive environment model, many gifted, learning disabled, and gifted/LD students are now thriving with modified styles of teaching. 

This conference reminds me of the greatness that is possible within unconventional thinkers, who have needs that are often ignored. 

This month I will share insight and information from the conference. I hope you will share my enthusiasm for creativity, wellness, and appreciation of mental illness as a diversity in our culture.

Reflections on Santa Fe

“The power of reflection naturally emerges when we are willing to have a courageous conversation with ourselves.” Bernie Saunders

Aluminum owl from canyon road.
 If you look closely you can see the photographer (me)

The 2011 Creativity and Madness conference delivered on its promise to renew, recharge, and refresh my commitment to the hard work of therapy.  One important theme this year was the power of reflection.  Taking time to simply “being,” as opposed to restless “doing.”  With my cell phone tucked in my purse and five free days to soak information and inspiration like a sponge, I reflected a great deal.

Some of the personal stories resonated for me personally and professionally.  There was the poignant journey of Dr. Kenneth Jackson who traveled across Arizona on horseback to achieve the distance and perspective he needed to make an important life change.  He felt healed through the physical challenge of nature, and the quiet that invited him to reflect on his life without daily clutter and responsibilities.

Bernie Saunders invited us all to meditate on beautiful photographs while Tami Briggs accompanied the images with music.  Tami is a therapeutic harpist who is frequently asked to perform in the rooms of dying patients.  The blessing and peacefulness of her gift to patients and their families emotionally impacted me on a deep spiritual level. 

Dr. Arthur Schlosser (aka Dean Dobbins) expressed the duality of his passions in medicine and music. He shared memories of mentors who gave him the directive to choose between his talents.  It was only when Arthur took time to listen to his own intuitions that he recognized his need to have both.  At this point in his life he feels balanced and receives great satisfaction through the integration of his talents.

 By midweek the message for me to spend some alone time to reflect was clear.  Then I was indirectly encouraged by Dr. Jeremy Spiegel to take a tour of Canyon Road.  His presentation highlighted a technique he has developed called “art healing.”  It involves interacting and reflecting on existing art.  By seeking out art that we are drawn to, as well as repulsed by, we have an opportunity to identify, address, express, and ultimately heal emotional hurts. Energized by his talk I hopped a shuttle and walked from gallery to gallery in search of healing.

I bought art.  I wanted to buy more.  I don’t think I was supposed to combine art healing with retail therapy but . . .

The piece is glass on copper by Houston Llew.  It is entitled “melody,” he describes his work as spirit tiles.  The inscription on the side reads “Happiness is a thing to be practiced.  Like the violin.”  It drew me into the gallery like a magnet. 

It makes me smile.

And reflect.

 It 's simple message expresses creativity, optimism,and intention.  “Melody” reflects parts of me to myself.

Creativity and Madness

Next week I will be sojourning to Santa Fe, New Mexico with some of my favorite colleagues.  The Creativity and Madness conference has replaced my "have to" continuing education in various cold hotel meeting rooms with typically boring lecturers to an "I can't believe I get to go" experiential week long workshop.  It is now a tradition that the first week of August means a full syllabus of intense learning, great food, beautiful art, and deep personal reflection. 

The amazing learning core of the conference focuses on the coexistence of creative genius and mental illness. We have studied writers, musicians, visual artists, and performing artists.  Professional speakers have presented fascinating perspectives on anxiety, depression, suicide, and recovery. Each workshop day is filled with the promise of profound mind expanding study.  Some of our biographical lectures have highlighted Janis Joplin, Woody Allen, Sylvia Plath, and Mozart.(Wouldn't that be an interesting dinner party?)  It saddens me to think we will soon be examining the life, death, and addiction of Amy Winehouse.

Part of the Santa Fe week involves serious eating.  My travel companions are connoisseurs of authentic Mexican cuisine as well as fine cooking.The Shed, Tomasitas, and The Pink Adobe satisfy our cravings for spicy delicious.  When we want to go fancy we trek to Canyon Road to taste the specialty gourmet of The Compound and Geronimos.  I strive to wake up early enough to get a hearty breakfast at Pasquals at least once every trip.  For a delicious perk of caffine with definite dessert twist, the cafe l'egouis at the french bakery inside of La Fonda makes Starbucks pale in comparison. 

Artists abound in this city that celebrates artistry.  Downtown boasts more galleries than grocers.  It is a visual feast to walk in and out of museum quality artist shops.  It stimulates my creativity in a new way, delivering an almost electric charge to produce something.  Last summer I wrote a poem, edited a manuscript, and aimed my camera lense from a different point of view. 

The Creativity and Madness conference has challenged me to experiment with a range of sensory experiences that I can use to recharge my professional and personal life.  Here are some of my "firsts" from Santa Fe adventures: green chili, spa, energy healing, opera, elk (yum), and Whole Foods.  Each is a blog in and of itself.  I have talked with artists, professors, healers, and musicians. It is life changing.

You can spot the newcomers to the conference--psychologists, counselors, nurses, and physicians arrive on Monday in professional garb.  By Friday theyare transformed by the information, food, and culture of Santa Fe. Scads of health professionals return to work from New York to California adorned in torquoise and broom skirts. I'm already packing mine from previous trips.

It is an expensive trip.  Every year I return with new eyes, renewed energy, validated commitment to my clients, solid practical and interesting information, and of course a silver bangle or two--Priceless.