Big Rock Resolutions

Premiere Jewelry Party
Benefiting Suited for Success OKC

At the beginning of the month I shared with you my big goals for 2015.  In the interest of accountability--and the hope that my changes might in some way encourage change for you-- here is my update on "putting first things first" with my resolutions:

1.  Establish a Writing Routine. According to my calendar (where I entered my start/stop times) I have logged 38 hours of writing time this month. Without question, this is an increase!  Directing my attention and intention towards this goal is making an impact.  

 2.  Renew Relationships.  This is a more subjective report. My time with family and friends is always worthwhile.  I have traveled, coffeed, lunched, stayed up late, and hosted a jewelry party all in the name of renewing relationships.  I plan to continue to deepen these connections through real "face time" on an ongoing basis.

3.  Focus on Health. Oh dear, what was I thinking? My health journey has taken me through blood work, the yearly mammogram, new fitness classes, and is leading me to a nutritionist in February.  Some of the changes in this category are going to hurt--but I am told it "is a good hurt." A definite adventure for 2015.

I found a video of Stephen Covey's wisdom on "The Big Rocks"-- a demonstration of the habit of putting first things first.  Hope you like it!

Wishing you much success in YOUR big rock resolutions!

Mindfulness Monday: Patience

Suki 2015

Many of us enter the new year with high expectations for change. 

Mindfulness is compatible with change by helping us to take one moment at a time. 

(Not the whole year at once!) 








This week I will be patient with myself. 

Back Eyed Peas and Goal Setting for the New Year



Hoppin John 2015

Let's ring in the new year with luck and happiness- would you like the recipe?

 

My new year’s table always includes a southern dish with black eyed peas.  I did a little research to investigate why this food is considered lucky and found a few theories. The story that makes the most sense to me dates back to the civil war.  In the process of winning the war (spoiler alert) Sherman and his Union troops ravaged the southern homesteads.  Certain crops were spared because they were believed to be food for livestock.  Post-war fields of black eyed peas were plentiful for southerners back in the day.  Lucky for them, the beans are filling and easily harvested. 

Black eyed peas are traditionally served with greens (to represent money) and cornbread (gold). There is also typically pork in the form of ham, bacon, or roast as another nod to agrarian life.  My family likes the combination of black eyed peas with bacon so we have developed our own version of “Hoppin John” 

Wishing you good luck!

Hoppin’ John (Marotta style)

1 cup raw rice
½ pound bacon
½ yellow onion
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ to 1 teaspoon Tabasco sauce (to taste)
1 Can Black Eyed Peas

In a saucepan, cook rice according to package directions. Set aside.

Reserving ½ cup of liquid (“aka bean juice”) drain and rinse the black eyed peas.

In a skillet, fry the bacon until crispy. Reserve some of bacon grease in skillet and set aside bacon on a paper towel to drain.  Add onion to skillet and cook until translucent.  Your House will smell really good! 

Cut bacon into small pieces and add to onions in the skillet.  Stir in rice, beans, and bean juice.   Flavor with salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce. Mix and serve!

At Casa Marotta the main dish changes every year but we always include a side salad for the greens.  The gold will have to wait for 2016- I am all about Jiffy Cornbread! Not sure if any of this really brings luck but I love the tradition. Feel free to serve Hoppin John anytime this week for a great start to 2015.

Now my recipe for happiness.  This is trickier, but two of the key ingredients for happiness are challenge and personal growth.  Between my German heritage (Yager) and my doctoral training- my roots pull me strongly toward goal setting at the beginning of January.  Here are my “big picture” goals for cultivating happiness in 2015:

1.       Establish a Writing Routine. I love to write, I need to develop a habit of writing regularly.

 2.       Renew Relationships.  Sadness and struggles in friends and family have encouraged me to put more energy into regular positive connection.

3.       Focus on Health. I figure if I don’t have health it is hard to make anything else happen.

Over the course of the next few months I will allow these goals to organically form into smaller steps.  I don’t like to call them resolutions, I see them more as intentions. Use this template and take some time this week to begin setting your intentions. Big picture goal setting gives us the freedom to change the process of how to get there- without skimping on the motivation for challenge and personal growth. 

Wishing you happiness!

Thank you for reading, following, recommending, and/or sharing posts from my blog.

Happy New Year!

 

 

 

The 3 Rs of Successful Resolutions

So much of life is about adapting to change. Over your life time-ready or not-you will face educational, occupational, family, and medical changes.  The tradition of setting resolutions at New Years is about creating change on your own terms.  Maybe you have set goals in the past (right before midnight) only to face regret by January 3rd.  There is actually a formula for resolutions, lets look at the 3 Rs of making and KEEPING resolutions.

Review: Take some time to consider the "big ticket" areas of your life-social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, creative, physical.  Consider first what is working.
Some questions to get you started:

• Are you pleased with your relationships?  
• Are you feeling mostly happy/satisfied/calm? Is your worship life meaningful to you?
•  Do you feel challenged intellectually and/or creatively? Are you taking good care of your physical self? 

Now zero in on what is not working.  Here is where you get critical and examine bad habits.

• Are you an attentive friend?
•  Have you been stressed out and taking poor care of yourself and your relationships?
•  Is your spiritual connection dry or mechanical?
•  Are you zoning out on mindless techno games instead of plugging into real life or reading something that moves you? 
•  Emotional eating anyone?  

This review can take a short time, or several days, don't rush it.  You are mining your lifestyle for meaningful change.I did my review last month and decided to focus on friendships this year. I have so much gratitude for the relationships in my life and I want to connect more intentionally. This will be our example for the other Rs (feel free to borrow the resolution if it works for you!). If your review leads you in a different direction just plug your goal and action items into the formula.

Record: Write notes to yourself from the review and identify one or two areas that you want to change.  Record the wish as a positive resolution- "In 2014 I will connect more with friends." Instead of a negative stinking thinking resolution- "This year I will stop being a flaky friend." Now break it down into action items.  "I will make lunch dates or Starbucks coffee breaks with friends." Make the frequency reasonable like twice a month if you have been sporadic in the past. Write down the friends that you want to invite to lunch or coffee.  Look at your calendar and identify days that are best for you.  Call, email, or text each friend to schedule connection time.  Now that it is on the calendar we get the bonus of anticipation which increases our odds of following through. When the dates approach remind yourself of why you did this so your time is intentional and rewarding.

Repeat: Continue to schedule (and follow through with) your changed behavior on a regular basis. It takes 90 days to establish a habit.  In pursuing this resolution we are trying to change not only behavior, but more importantly our mindset about making time for these relationships.  At the end of 3 mos (90 days), go back to the notes you made during the review phase. Evaluate-- is this small step getting you closer to what you were envisioning?  Would a different small change be better? For example, it might be more meaningful to find an evening time to meet with one of the friends whose available time is different, create a monthly get together with friends like a book or dinner club, maybe arrange a group adventure with some friends who share a common interest. It is not cheating or breaking your resolution to tweak the action items along the way. The important thing is you are moving closer to your true longings- improving the life journey this year!

Bad habits can be difficult to tackle as a resolution because there are so many layers to the problem of a long standing self defeating pattern.  This year I recommend that you begin practicing the 3Rs by starting a new healthy habit- healthy for your social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, creative, physical lifestyle.  Let your success in this area bring some momentum to addressing areas where you sabotage your precious self.

If your review leads you to thoughts of enhancing your marital relationship-Shel Harrington (one of my friends)  has created a post on resolutions for couples- great ideas for action items!

Anyone want to share their resolutions for 2014? I welcome your comments.

Five Life Lessons from Reality Television

h/t to QueenBean3 for photo

There were 12.8 million viewers watching THE VOICE this week. That is a large fan base for television.  Some tune in for the entertainment or the competition, and some because there is nothing else on T.V. during that time slot.  I watch because CeeLo Green's smile makes me happy.  Also because in my opinion some of reality television has educational value, even though some of it is not "real."

I think we can all learn a lot about life from watching THE VOICE:

You have to prioritize your passion to become excellent.

There are many stories of contestant sacrifices to be on the show—consider how necessary it is for us to focus our attention on one particular thing to advance to excellence.  Whether our passion is singing, writing, rowing a boat, or making a cabinet we will not improve our skills over time just by wishing and waiting for luck to find us.

There is always someone better and worse than you. The real competition is with yourself.

The improvement within each contestant is more salient than the differences between them.  Getting distracted or “psyched out” about other people’s achievement won’t build our confidence or abilities. Others have nothing to do with the change we can create by comparing ourselves to ourselves in pursuing goals.

               

 Finding the right mentor is important. Being ready to learn is essential.

Although one of the coaches has had consecutive “wins” in the overall competition, I still argue that it is the collaboration of student and teacher that makes the biggest difference.  Some of the contestants come to be discovered and aren’t open to feedback, and they don’t last long even with great beginning talent.  The ancient saying “When the student is ready the teacher will appear” seems relevant to this life lesson.

The amount of effort you put into your work matters, there is always a consequence.

K. Anders Ericsson is a research psychologist who studies excellence.  After many years of studying data from multiple sources about peak performers he has distilled the advice into a fairly simple insight that few people are willing to follow.  Peak performers are consistent and persistent in deliberate practice.  Deliberate practice is defined as identifying the right task and difficulty level, informative feedback, opportunities for repetition, and correction of errors. That is a lot of time in.   According to Gladwell in The Outliers, that is the “ten thousand hours” rule.

You have to be in it to win it and winning is relative.

By the time the show gets down to the finals, each remaining performer has found their “voice.” The coaches will ask them questions like “where is this soulfulness coming from?” and then we hear the story.  We hear about loss, struggle, and challenges.  In life when we integrate the hardships in our lives we become more authentic.  Think Velveteen Rabbit and It’s a Wonderful Life kind of maturity.  Whether the world notices or not, when we find our voice we have won.

Whether we are trying to lose ten pounds, master a scale on the piano, or improve our relationships, achieving our goals is a process.  THE VOICE condenses that process into a small viewing window where we can watch others grow, and become better ourselves, if we pay attention. 

What lessons have you learned from reality television?

Water: Gotta have it!

"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet.  My mother told me it is because the water is colder in there. And I'm like, how does my mother know that?" Wendy Liebman

Weight Watchers has alot to say about water.  That's why you see so many people at Subway with a gallon jug of water and the telltale black clutch containing their "points" bible.   In beginning this 52 small changes experiment, week one is about water.  Brett Blumenthal (great author name by the way) has boiled down (!) the recommendation to 1 glass of water per hour or approximately 1/2 of your body weight in ozs.  I have been slacking, apparently.

As of yesterday I started this one glass per hour experiment.  The bathroom urgency is definitely a side effect but surely there is more to it than that.  Since I was already somewhat on my way to ultimate hydration from my ww days, I am going for extra credit with a new fangled re-usable bottle.  It is called a Bobble, and it is cute.  According to my husband I am quieter with my Bobble.  Ordinary bottles make a slight collapsing sound when you drain them.  I thought it was a just a charming reward for completing my drink. Who knew?

Marotta Five-Oh!

Passages was released when I was in my twenties.  Author Gail Sheehy did not invent the concept of lifespan development, but she was the first to popularize the concept.  In her book Sheehy collected research to summarize what to expect when you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70.  I hoped this book would serve as a travel guide into my adulthood, until I read that in your twenties you could have a year or more of basically rough times.  Passages was full of rotten news for me as a twenty something.  The book was promptly donated to Goodwill.

Surprise!  Sheehy was on the money with her predictions of years of rough times, but by then the book was long gone and I was without a map to navigate into my thirties.  On my thirtieth birthday I bought a clock to symbolize how fast time passes.  I vaguely remember sitting on my couch in New York folding laundry and studying late at night.  By then I was married--managing a toddler and graduate school classes, with a part time job on the weekends. At that point developmentally my goal was to make it through the day without losing my sanity or my car keys.

Approaching my forties I chose to set concrete personal goals for the decade. Sweetness and I were settled into good careers, our now 2 children were growing more independent, and it was time for me to do something specifically for myself.  I joined weight watchers and bought the book Organizing from the Inside Out by Julia Morganstern. With these guides I slowly lost weight, removed clutter, and found time to write.  I donated the thirty year clock to Goodwill. Instead of waiting for time to pass, I had learned to be intentional with my time.

2012 marks my fiftieth year on this planet.  Half-way to a hundred!  In honor of the tradition set in my fortieth decade I have a plan.  Over the next twelve months I will be trying 12 new things.  It will be a year of firsts, one month at a time. I am renewing my commitment to this blog, to give regular installments of my "passage" through fifty.  This year you will also find book reviews, fun family ideas, snippets of a writer's life, and optimism. To assist me in my journey this year I have bought . . .  you guessed it, a book!  It is called 52 small changes: One Year to a Happier, Healthier You by Brett Blumenthal.  I will blog my small changes and let you know if you might like to purchase this one for yourself.--or if you'd be better off waiting for Goodwill. Happy New Year!