Mindfulness Mondays: Pause to Reflect

We are entering the third week in January and it is time to reflect on 2016 intentions.

My overall intention is to be "PRESENT" this year. Whether I am having coffee with a friend or doing research on my computer- I want to be focused on that moment.

Take some time this week to check in with yourself. Are your intentions being supported by actions?

P.S. Make gentle corrections if you are off track.

Mindfulness Mondays: Making Peace with Change

Portuguese Water Dog Puppies

"There is no beginning.    There is no end. There is  only change." ~ Robert Monroe

It is comforting to think of life as a continual process of change.  Resolutions do not have to have sharp edges of beginning (This year I will always ...) or ending (I pledge to never . . .) . We live through a series of letting go - Change always involves a form of grief.  Looking at change as a normal part of life is a peaceful and gentler way of grieving.

Last year we had to say goodbye to Suki. Her death was not the end of our relationship, it was a change. Our memories strengthen our connection to Suki and loving her has created a space for more love. This year we are preparing for a beginning- somewhere in this pile of puppies is a Marotta. *We know he will have his own spirit and his own tale (tail) to tell (wag). Soften the edges of change this week.

I can accept change with peacefulness.

*Naming and more photos will be forthcoming in February. 

Mindfulness Mondays: Positive Stress

First lesson in Fire 101/ September 2015

                                 "I'm stressed."

"That was stressful."

"You are stressing me out!"

Stress gets a bad rap- which is understandable because we usually only think about the "too much" of stress also known as distress.  This week I want to bring our attention to it's little sister, eustress. 

Eustress is positive stress, pressure we put on ourselves to go beyond our comfort zone.  When we set goals, learn new skills, or encourage ourselves to try something different we are using the motivational power of stress to go beyond what is familiar.  We are bringing about change.

This weekend I asked Sweetness for lessons in fire starting. Cooler weather is rumored to be coming to Oklahoma and there will be nights when Sal is out of town and I will want a cozy blaze in the Chimenea.  I put pressure on myself to be a learner, ask questions, make mistakes, and ultimately to do something new.  The side effect of positive stress is a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of pride. 

 Now that lights my fire!

I will create change for myself this week.

Marotta meets Kondo: The Language of Change

Before Marie Kondo February 2015

What could a 53 year old psychologist from Oklahoma and a 30 something professional organizer from Japan have in common?  We speak the same language.  The language of change.  Marie Kondo is empowering people to transform life through clearing physical clutter – my spin is to shift perspective  by letting go of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that no longer serve us.

Marotta and Kondo are both aware that incredible change is possible when you have the right tools.  But you have to be willing to do the work.

Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up came at an opportune time as I find myself somewhere between “emptying” and “feathering” my nest.  She struck a chord when she detailed that the point of tidying was not to be measured by how much you throw away, but instead to intentionally surround yourself with the things you love. With this bliss in mind I began to apply her method to my clothes, which is where she recommends that we start.

It was the perfect rainy weekend.  Step One I gathered ALL of my clothing into our guest bedroom.  Kondo urges her organizing clients (now readers) to gather all of the items in a specific category together to complete the project all at once.  If there is a clothing item that is missed in this broad sweep (think closets, laundry room, hooks, etc) of your home it is supposed to be given away.  I am not brave enough to show you the picture of the heaps of garments that overtook the guestroom. The excess, mistakes, waste and multiple sizes that made up my clothing choices from past to present were all sprawled out.

Step Two involved holding each item in my hand and evaluating if it “sparked joy.”It was oddly reassuring to check my gut for an opinion.

Many of my clothing decisions were outdated, they literally no longer suit me.  For years these choices took up space in my closet, unseen, but definitely felt as I tried to hang up new purchases.  At the end of the day . . . four bags of clothing to donate to charity and two brimming trash bags of torn, worn, and stained flotsam.

A strong theme throughout Marie Kondo’s guide to zen organizing is the energy you will derive from thorough tidying.  Her cultural perspective of energy is fun to think about.  According to her philosophy all items have energy.  When you surround yourself with items that bring you joy, you are energized and happier in your space.  When your space is filled with items that no longer spark that loving feeling you are drained of energy.  I waited for the energy after completely revamping my clothing category.  Instead I felt exhausted.  It was harder than I thought.  In the back of my mind I worried that I had “let go” of something that I loved, or that I might need someday. The parallel to therapeutic change was glaring.

It has been two months since I began my magical tidying.  My wardrobe pallet is completely changed, dressing is simpler, and I love every single thing I wear.  I’m feeling the energy now.

After my clothing category I tackled my bathrooms, and my true nemesis: paper.  The before and after pictures tell only half of the story. The mind shift towards simplicity is even more impressive.

After Marie Kondo February 2015

Zen Organizing a la Kondo 2/2015

My response to empty nest is still evolving, but focusing on what remains instead of what has been lost is a delightful blend of peacefulness and excitement. If you are facing a life change I would strongly recommend the orderly advice of Marie Kondo. Let your external space reflect your internal change.

It is a language we can all benefit from at various points of our journey. 

Happy Tidying!  

Putting "First Things First"

 Glass Vases from Breast Imaging of Oklahoma.
Over 50? Plan a yearly mammogram

We are halfway through January- How are you doing with those resolutions?  If you are like most people, you have lost some momentum.  Don’t get discouraged- there are bound to be hit or miss moments along the way to making lasting change.

It will help for us to look at our habits: The good, the bad, and the ugly- procrastination.

                                     

New habits take thought, practice, and time. Dr. Stephen Covey (1932-2012) was a habit expert.  His book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People has over 15 million copies in print.  I have two of those copies, one fell apart from being re-read so much. Covey's work is my favorite go-to-guide in the area of time/life management.

                                               

Our most popular resolutions focus on habit changes in health (lose weight, exercise more), relationships (socialize, keep in touch), or work ( job changes/improvements, education, recreation).  Each big goal is really a series of small habits.  Goal planning is important but not urgent.  There are many things that can distract us from our goals- some are important, others are . . . just distracting.

Covey directs our attention to the important (but not urgent) goals with the good habit  of “Putting first things first.” We must intentionally plan for success.Without a plan we will bounce from other people's deadlines and crisis to soothing but brain numbing activities.

Do you want a crisis oriented life in 2015? If not, planning will help you get the balanced (healthy you, healthy relationships, meaningful work)  life you want.

Take time for a well-being Check Up:

•        Are you satisfied with your 2015 goals? 
•     Set aside a brain break to write/revise your goals to identify the small habits that will lead to     big change.
•     What new habits can you schedule into your day/week?
•     How will you be accountable? (calender, friend, reminders)
•     What bad habits are holding you back? 
•     What would your week of good habits look like?
•     Are you ready to put “first things first?”

The good habits of planning your time and tracking your progress will make 2015 different than 2014. 

Mindfulness Mondays: Imagine

Chalk Farm Gallery/Santa Fe 2012

The year ahead is an open calendar of possibilities.  This week build some time into your day to consider your personal, professional, and relational lifestyle.

Make room in your imagination to visualize yourself entering 2015.

• What should you hold on to in the New Year?
• What do you need to release ?
• What would you like to cultivate in 2015?

I will take time this week to imagine a new year of possibilities.

Mindfulness: Acceptance

h/t Pinterest

As a behaviorist I am all about change. I seek it out and relish the challenge of goal setting.  I love lists, homework, charts, and accountability.  Identify the problem- Develop a plan was stressed in my training.  But there is this tricky other step that can't be ignored. It is so essential that no matter how fabulous the plan, it will be derailed if we don’t attend to it. We have to develop acceptance before we can execute the plan.  

If we get stuck in continually striving, reaching, seeking out the next mountain to climb we won't integrate change- it won't last.  We cannot deeply change without first accepting where we are. 

Acceptance is not passive.  It does not involve “settling” or “lowering our standards.” It is an active process of seeing things realistically, a moment to moment awareness. Acceptance creates the condition for change.

Yoga instructor Denise reminds the class to “leave your ego at the door.” She is referring to the inner striving that can make us ignore what our body needs for that practice.  When I listen to this wise advice I become aware of my body in this moment and prevent injury. Acceptance allows me to continue to come back to the mat. If I continue to accept myself and be kindly aware of my body each time I return to the studio- change will come.  

There is a gentle but strong anchoring that happens when we attend to acceptance. We are more patient with the process of change.  We can heal when we allow ourselves to see realistically and kindly where our wounds are at this moment.  When the conditions of change are right, we will master the pose, lose the weight, or forgive our friend.  

Mindfulness encourages us to accept our “perfectly imperfect self.” That is VERY hard work.

Mindfulness Mondays: Permission to Dream

Santa Fe Sculpture 2014

Do not dismiss day dreaming as idle time.  Positive change requires lengthy "pre-contemplation" which is a fancy term for staring at clouds and setting your imagination free with the spark of "What if . . . "

Take some time this week to let your mind wander where it wishes.  Meander through ideas of what is working in your life and what no longer serves you.

Playfully invite imagination to direct your thoughts towards needed change.




I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO DREAM 

The 3 Rs of Successful Resolutions

So much of life is about adapting to change. Over your life time-ready or not-you will face educational, occupational, family, and medical changes.  The tradition of setting resolutions at New Years is about creating change on your own terms.  Maybe you have set goals in the past (right before midnight) only to face regret by January 3rd.  There is actually a formula for resolutions, lets look at the 3 Rs of making and KEEPING resolutions.

Review: Take some time to consider the "big ticket" areas of your life-social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, creative, physical.  Consider first what is working.
Some questions to get you started:

• Are you pleased with your relationships?  
• Are you feeling mostly happy/satisfied/calm? Is your worship life meaningful to you?
•  Do you feel challenged intellectually and/or creatively? Are you taking good care of your physical self? 

Now zero in on what is not working.  Here is where you get critical and examine bad habits.

• Are you an attentive friend?
•  Have you been stressed out and taking poor care of yourself and your relationships?
•  Is your spiritual connection dry or mechanical?
•  Are you zoning out on mindless techno games instead of plugging into real life or reading something that moves you? 
•  Emotional eating anyone?  

This review can take a short time, or several days, don't rush it.  You are mining your lifestyle for meaningful change.I did my review last month and decided to focus on friendships this year. I have so much gratitude for the relationships in my life and I want to connect more intentionally. This will be our example for the other Rs (feel free to borrow the resolution if it works for you!). If your review leads you in a different direction just plug your goal and action items into the formula.

Record: Write notes to yourself from the review and identify one or two areas that you want to change.  Record the wish as a positive resolution- "In 2014 I will connect more with friends." Instead of a negative stinking thinking resolution- "This year I will stop being a flaky friend." Now break it down into action items.  "I will make lunch dates or Starbucks coffee breaks with friends." Make the frequency reasonable like twice a month if you have been sporadic in the past. Write down the friends that you want to invite to lunch or coffee.  Look at your calendar and identify days that are best for you.  Call, email, or text each friend to schedule connection time.  Now that it is on the calendar we get the bonus of anticipation which increases our odds of following through. When the dates approach remind yourself of why you did this so your time is intentional and rewarding.

Repeat: Continue to schedule (and follow through with) your changed behavior on a regular basis. It takes 90 days to establish a habit.  In pursuing this resolution we are trying to change not only behavior, but more importantly our mindset about making time for these relationships.  At the end of 3 mos (90 days), go back to the notes you made during the review phase. Evaluate-- is this small step getting you closer to what you were envisioning?  Would a different small change be better? For example, it might be more meaningful to find an evening time to meet with one of the friends whose available time is different, create a monthly get together with friends like a book or dinner club, maybe arrange a group adventure with some friends who share a common interest. It is not cheating or breaking your resolution to tweak the action items along the way. The important thing is you are moving closer to your true longings- improving the life journey this year!

Bad habits can be difficult to tackle as a resolution because there are so many layers to the problem of a long standing self defeating pattern.  This year I recommend that you begin practicing the 3Rs by starting a new healthy habit- healthy for your social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, creative, physical lifestyle.  Let your success in this area bring some momentum to addressing areas where you sabotage your precious self.

If your review leads you to thoughts of enhancing your marital relationship-Shel Harrington (one of my friends)  has created a post on resolutions for couples- great ideas for action items!

Anyone want to share their resolutions for 2014? I welcome your comments.