Five Life Lessons from Reality Television

h/t to QueenBean3 for photo

There were 12.8 million viewers watching THE VOICE this week. That is a large fan base for television.  Some tune in for the entertainment or the competition, and some because there is nothing else on T.V. during that time slot.  I watch because CeeLo Green's smile makes me happy.  Also because in my opinion some of reality television has educational value, even though some of it is not "real."

I think we can all learn a lot about life from watching THE VOICE:

You have to prioritize your passion to become excellent.

There are many stories of contestant sacrifices to be on the show—consider how necessary it is for us to focus our attention on one particular thing to advance to excellence.  Whether our passion is singing, writing, rowing a boat, or making a cabinet we will not improve our skills over time just by wishing and waiting for luck to find us.

There is always someone better and worse than you. The real competition is with yourself.

The improvement within each contestant is more salient than the differences between them.  Getting distracted or “psyched out” about other people’s achievement won’t build our confidence or abilities. Others have nothing to do with the change we can create by comparing ourselves to ourselves in pursuing goals.

               

 Finding the right mentor is important. Being ready to learn is essential.

Although one of the coaches has had consecutive “wins” in the overall competition, I still argue that it is the collaboration of student and teacher that makes the biggest difference.  Some of the contestants come to be discovered and aren’t open to feedback, and they don’t last long even with great beginning talent.  The ancient saying “When the student is ready the teacher will appear” seems relevant to this life lesson.

The amount of effort you put into your work matters, there is always a consequence.

K. Anders Ericsson is a research psychologist who studies excellence.  After many years of studying data from multiple sources about peak performers he has distilled the advice into a fairly simple insight that few people are willing to follow.  Peak performers are consistent and persistent in deliberate practice.  Deliberate practice is defined as identifying the right task and difficulty level, informative feedback, opportunities for repetition, and correction of errors. That is a lot of time in.   According to Gladwell in The Outliers, that is the “ten thousand hours” rule.

You have to be in it to win it and winning is relative.

By the time the show gets down to the finals, each remaining performer has found their “voice.” The coaches will ask them questions like “where is this soulfulness coming from?” and then we hear the story.  We hear about loss, struggle, and challenges.  In life when we integrate the hardships in our lives we become more authentic.  Think Velveteen Rabbit and It’s a Wonderful Life kind of maturity.  Whether the world notices or not, when we find our voice we have won.

Whether we are trying to lose ten pounds, master a scale on the piano, or improve our relationships, achieving our goals is a process.  THE VOICE condenses that process into a small viewing window where we can watch others grow, and become better ourselves, if we pay attention. 

What lessons have you learned from reality television?

Generosity is a Gift

Part of a child’s growing self-awareness is the instinct to stake a claim on what is “mine.” This is why “mine” is a common refrain for typical toddlers (my toy, my cup) and teenagers (my room, my cell phone).  Advertisements for the latest, greatest, shiniest objects are eye-level for these suggestible consumers- which can give most kids the gimmies. If your child is different- celebrate that!   For the rest of us the job of cultivating generosity rests on our shoulders. 

If you wish to focus on generosity this holiday, don't be discouraged by developmental self-centeredness. Get clarity as a parent about how you want to teach generosity. What opportunities resonate for you- is it generosity of time, abundance, or finances?  Is it a particular cause that has impacted your family in some way?  Is it an awareness of a need in your neighborhood or community?  Being intentional in how you express generosity with your children will produce the greatest long term impact. Prepare them for the generous mindset through your announcement of a special project this year.

Less effective:

“You guys have NO IDEA how fortunate you are.  You are spoiled and selfish, you need to shape up and give away some of this junk that you don’t appreciate.”

More effective:

“Mrs. Smith is grieving the loss of her husband this holiday.  I bet she is feeling lonely and overwhelmed.  What can we do to show her that we care?”

One year we decided to try volunteering at the Edmond Community Thanksgiving Dinner when our daughters were 4 and 8.  We thought it would be a special way to be generous with our time before we sat down to our own family Thanksgiving feast.  A frantic hostess greeted us with the news  “guests are coming to eat in twenty minutes and we can’t find the cranberry sauce!” Cans of donated cranberry sauce were missing somewhere in the building and she asked for volunteers to do a search and rescue. FYI: Four year olds are great at hide and seek!  Our daughter’s first volunteer experience was manning the can opener so that cases of cranberry sauce could fulfill their Thanksgiving Destiny. That was sixteen years ago, and we haven’t missed a Community Dinner yet.  Our daughters have recruited friends, and boyfriends to be generous with their time on Thanksgiving.  Sometimes the gift of generosity becomes a tradition!

 Other ideas:

• ·         One family makes cards for the residents of a senior center in memory of their grandma who once lived there.
• ·         An athletic family collected used bicycles to donate to people affected by weather disasters.
• ·         This year there is a drive to help families who lost their homes in the Moore Tornado with Christmas preparations. (This one is time sensitive- so please check the link now if you want to be involved)

How are you planning to give the gift of generosity with your family?