Mindfulness Mondays: Pause to Reflect

We are entering the third week in January and it is time to reflect on 2016 intentions.

My overall intention is to be "PRESENT" this year. Whether I am having coffee with a friend or doing research on my computer- I want to be focused on that moment.

Take some time this week to check in with yourself. Are your intentions being supported by actions?

P.S. Make gentle corrections if you are off track.

Thank You Elvis, Thank You Very Much

Elvis 1970

It's January 8 friends, and it's Elvis Presley's birthday.

Elvis was already "The King" when I was a kid. I was one of the billions who experienced his Aloha Tour. The connection he made with his audience was magical, reaching all the way through satellite to little 11 year old me sitting cross legged on the shag carpet in my parent's bedroom. The opening warm up still gives me goose bumps.

His records influenced my love of music, his death taught me the dangers of addiction.

Today is a special day and you may choose your own adventure but as for me- I am putting on my blue suede boots and listening to Elvis radio. How will you celebrate?

Veterans Day Gratitude

There are two super sized flags (from SAMS) flying from the Marotta mailbox today. Sweetness called from his business trip to make sure I remembered. We should never forget.

Take time today to honor the military. Say thank you in your own way to the men, women, and families who have sacrificed for the greater good of our freedom.

My blog thank you starts with my Dad, Don Yager. He was proud of his service in the Air Force and forever friends with Paul Erickson, and Rod Davison (Thank you X 2). Thank you to Sal's Dad Ernie Marotta, and brother Michael. My long time friend Colonel Dave Slade, and his son Daniel (Gracias). My friends Mari and Tony Farthing, thank you for your dedicated service.

My gratitude to all veterans who are struggling with PTSD symptoms- your sacrifice continues.

Last year my friend Tony Farthing delivered a heartfelt tribute to his wife Mari at the Oklahoma City Listen to Your Mother Show. Mari spent four years in active duty, but her husband wanted to say a special thank you for her service on the home front. Click on the link to remember all families who serve from home. Thank you Suzy Slade- you are "stronger than you know."

Reach out to the military in your life: Write a letter. Make a call to connect. Smile. Spend some time listening. Shout out on Facebook. Wave your flags.

Be Intentional. We should never forget to be grateful.

Creativity in the Kitchen: Time to make " the sauce"

"The Sauce"

My destiny to serve authentic sauce on top of pasta was sealed when I said yes to Sal Marotta’s proposal of marriage. Marottas do not do bottled or (gasp) canned marinara. My soon-to-be mother-in-law Emily offered a lesson in the sauce before the wedding.  I was an eager student. I had tasted the sauce. It was thick, rich, dark red, and memorable.

To this day the sauce is my only true claim to culinary skills. 

Making the sauce is not about the recipe. It is about the experience.  I learned that a layered rich sauce must begin at the start, with the starter.  The starter is the heart of the sauce.  It is the legacy of all the sauces that have come before . . . it is stored in the freezer.  Sal’s Great Aunt Julia had rows and rows of starter in her freezer.  She called it her “blood bank.” My Sal’s grandfather, Grandpa Sal, brought the idea of starter sauce to America from Sicily when he immigrated. Grandpa Sal had a full kitchen in his garage so he could cook the sauce with more space and ventilation without getting nagged about the mess.  He taught Emily (another non-Italian who needed the secrets), and Emily taught me.  It took us all day in the kitchen and much wine for the recipe as well as the lesson itself.

Great Aunt Julia

On the day of my lesson Sal’s mom confidently taught me how to cook the sausage, onions, garlic, and then to brown the paste- incorporating all the flavors.  All the while the heart of the sauce sat patiently slow warming on a separate stove top coil.  Side by side we layered the flavors by combining starter and paste, wine and herbs. By evening I learned the Marotta stories, was advised against putting oregano in the meatballs (it is mutinous and can cause loud Italian fighting), and more than anything that the sauce was a legacy. I was part of the family and trusted to carry the tradition forward.

It has been thirty years since my lesson. I now have my own tradition of warming the starter in early September. I spend the day browning the paste and incorporating the new sauce to make a batch that will last us throughout the fall and winter, leaving a little extra starter for next year.  So far I have taught my oldest daughter the process, who has added a playlist to her cooking, and expect someday my youngest will ask for her turn in the kitchen with me.

Because everyone knows you can’t feed an Italian family properly without the sauce.

The inspiration for this post came when I met a remarkable person named Sarah Shotts at the Arkansas Women’s Bloggers Conference last month.  As soon as she told me about her dream to record “heirloom recipes” across the world I knew I found a friend. If you or someone you know has a passion for family, food, and film please visit her Kickstarter “Project STIR.”

Prepare your day with "Good Belly"

Legend has it that a psychologist once traveled to India to seek counsel from the Dalai Lama. The psychologist stood in line for five hours in the heat to ask one question. When it was finally his turn he sat down across from the guru and asked “What is the secret to becoming a great healer?” After a quiet moment of reflection, the Dalai Lama opened his eyes and smiled. He looked directly at the psychologist and answered “You must have good belly.”

Good belly is the key to preparing for my day.  I love my work, and to do it well I must be physically, cognitively, and emotionally ready to listen.  Awareness, intuition, and active listening are core to the process of healing.  Over the past twenty years  I have developed a rhythm and ritual to prepare myself for healing work.

Awareness: I begin with coffee.  Seriously, it is impossible to be attuned to the emotional language of others when you are not alert.  My caffeine of choice is coffee.  I slowly wake up to coffee time spent with my husband.  No big decisions are made, no great “aha moments” about life—just quiet connection.

Intuition: The next step involves solitude.  I spend ten to twenty minutes meditating, reflecting, praying, and/or reading something inspirational. Calming myself in silence helps me to clear my mind and tune out distractions.  This step puts me in “respond” mode, rather than “react” mode. 

Active Listening: My schedule is the final preparation for my day.  Each appointment is an opportunity for that person to express their story, their unique journey toward healing.  I reflect on each client before I greet them in the waiting room- ready to be present and listen. 

Good belly is not only my preparation for clinical work.  I am genuinely grateful that the good belly skills of awareness, intuition, and active listening have prepared me to be a better wife, mother, friend, and family member.  Good belly brings healing to all relationships.

This post was written from an Oklahoma Women Blogger's prompt "prepare your day." Please show them some blogger love by visiting their site to see how other bloggers prepare for their day.

Mindfulness Mondays: Reflections

Yesterday I listened to an NPR interview with Drew Houston, the co-founder of Dropbox.  He is a young entrepreneur who persisted in following a creative idea, despite competition from larger, more experienced corporations.  The key to his persistence? Reflection.

Houston shared that he once heard that if we are fortunate we will have approximately 30,000 days of life. That number deeply influenced him to practice daily reflection about how he was spending his moments. These reflections guided his innovation.  What will you learn when you reflect?  How are you spending your days?

I will create opportunities for reflection in my life.  

Mindfulness Mondays: Loving-Kindness

Mind Space Imagery of Zion National Park
 h/t Lindsay Marotta

Our mind space can get as cluttered as our desks, making positive emotions and productivity difficult.  Clear your internal space with a Loving-Kindness Meditation.

"May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be at peace. "

Remember to breathe.
Loving-Kindness starts with you.

This week I will gift myself with Loving-Kindness.

Feelings Friday: Goodbyes are always hard

Suki (Lynn) Marotta
2004 - 2015

Suki Marotta passed away quietly of natural causes early Sunday morning.

She was a beloved family member, pet, friend, therapy dog, and "mindfulness muse."

Suki wagged her tail into our life in 2006 as a rescue dog. She completed her Therapy Dog International training in 2008.  Suki worked Wednesdays in my office soothing sadness and calming the nerves of clients and staff alike. Her TDI outreach included comforting grieving children at Trinity School, and easing the stress of midterms and finals with the Alpha Chi girls at the University of Oklahoma.  Suki was a frequent guest on this blog as a reminder to "live moment to moment" in mindfulness.

Suki  loved belly rubs, nature walks, raw carrots,  and attention.  She was vocal in her dislike of owls, power tools, and vacuums.

She was energetic and playful throughout her life. Suki was always happy to see you.

She spent a wonderful last day on earth walking, playing, and being loved on by family and friends at the lake. Suki will be remembered for her compassion, loving companionship, and joyful spirit.

Therapy Dog International says "A dog will love you forever." We will love Suki forever.

I have enabled comments for this post if you wish to share a memory about Suki or a thought about grieving a pet.  Many thanks always for reading and following.

Mindfulness Monday: Autism Awareness

Suki Lights It Up Blue

April is Autism Awareness month.  Once believed to be a rare neurological disorder, improved research is recognizing that as many as 1 in 88 children are effected. Early diagnosis and behavioral treatment makes a big impact.

Social interaction is difficult and confusing for children with Autism Spectrum Disorder and as many as 85% of ASD children report being bullied at school.

"Light It Up Blue" is an international campaign to increase awareness of Autism Spectrum Disorders and takes place April 2nd.  Educate yourself about the signs and symptoms of ASD so you can make the world a kinder, more understanding place for neuro-diverse children, adults, and the families who love them.


This week I will show compassion to others who are different than me.

Mindfulness Mondays: Dream

h/t Google Images Martin Luther King, Jr. /Seattle Times

All change begins with a dream.

Be still and attend to your motivation for change- your vision of "better."  It all starts with you.

Imagine change in your life, family, community, or culture.

This week honor your dreams. Give yourself permission to imagine positive change.

I can begin with a dream.

Putting "First Things First"

 Glass Vases from Breast Imaging of Oklahoma.
Over 50? Plan a yearly mammogram

We are halfway through January- How are you doing with those resolutions?  If you are like most people, you have lost some momentum.  Don’t get discouraged- there are bound to be hit or miss moments along the way to making lasting change.

It will help for us to look at our habits: The good, the bad, and the ugly- procrastination.

                                     

New habits take thought, practice, and time. Dr. Stephen Covey (1932-2012) was a habit expert.  His book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People has over 15 million copies in print.  I have two of those copies, one fell apart from being re-read so much. Covey's work is my favorite go-to-guide in the area of time/life management.

                                               

Our most popular resolutions focus on habit changes in health (lose weight, exercise more), relationships (socialize, keep in touch), or work ( job changes/improvements, education, recreation).  Each big goal is really a series of small habits.  Goal planning is important but not urgent.  There are many things that can distract us from our goals- some are important, others are . . . just distracting.

Covey directs our attention to the important (but not urgent) goals with the good habit  of “Putting first things first.” We must intentionally plan for success.Without a plan we will bounce from other people's deadlines and crisis to soothing but brain numbing activities.

Do you want a crisis oriented life in 2015? If not, planning will help you get the balanced (healthy you, healthy relationships, meaningful work)  life you want.

Take time for a well-being Check Up:

•        Are you satisfied with your 2015 goals? 
•     Set aside a brain break to write/revise your goals to identify the small habits that will lead to     big change.
•     What new habits can you schedule into your day/week?
•     How will you be accountable? (calender, friend, reminders)
•     What bad habits are holding you back? 
•     What would your week of good habits look like?
•     Are you ready to put “first things first?”

The good habits of planning your time and tracking your progress will make 2015 different than 2014. 

Mindfulness Monday: Patience

Suki 2015

Many of us enter the new year with high expectations for change. 

Mindfulness is compatible with change by helping us to take one moment at a time. 

(Not the whole year at once!) 








This week I will be patient with myself. 

Mindfulness Mondays: Tech Free Time

h/t Pinterest

My morning ritual has been hijacked.  Coffee chats with sweetness have been derailed by the "weather report" from our phones, which detours to football scores and Facebook updates.


Cyber Monday is over.  Let's put technology back in its place this week.










This week I will create technology-free time.

Mindfulness Mondays: One Thing At A Time

Happy Thanksgiving from Suki!

"I like mindfulness because it tells my brain to think about one thing at a time instead of . . . like...500 things!"
                                          First Grader

We conclude this month of gratitude with the intention of telling our brain to focus on one thing at a time.

Wishing you a calm mind, a still body, and a peaceful gathering at Thanksgiving from our house to yours.



This week I will focus on one thing at a time.

Mindfulness Monday: Remembering loved ones

Dia de los Muertos h/t Wikipedia image

Beyond the fun Pinterest cookies and elaborate costumes- this week is an opportunity to honor the dead, connecting with memories of loved ones before the family holidays.

Dia de los Muertos originated in Mexico but has spread to other Latin American cultures and is gaining recognition in cities in the US that have a large Latin American population.

However you choose to commemorate, take some time this week to intentionally remember loved ones who have died to welcome their memory into the upcoming family season and soothe your soul.

I WILL CONNECT WITH MEMORIES THIS WEEK. 

Mindfulness Mondays: Moment by Moment

Lake Tenkiller 2014

Have you had the experience of driving somewhere and feeling uncertain of how you got there because your mind was on so many things at once?  The habit of multitasking creates layers and layers of thinking that can result in a brain fog.

The practice of mindfulness acts like a "mental Fabreeze" to clear your thinking and help you engage in life moment by moment.

After all, this moment is the only moment that is guaranteed.




I WILL LIVE MY LIFE- MOMENT BY MOMENT.

Mindfulness Mondays: Each Step Counts

Loving time with sweet Suki and my new shoes

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I was reminded of this quote on Saturday when I called Suki to take a walk with me.  Travel and Oklahoma weather had gotten us out of the habit of a weekend walk and she was reluctant to come.

About half- way down the street Suki looked up and licked my hand. She then picked up the pace and wagged her tail the rest of the walk.  Suki demonstrated what I sometimes feel about good-for-you challenges.  I often forget to enjoy the journey.

This week let go of the goal and celebrate the process!

I WILL SAVOR THE STEPS ON MY JOURNEY.

Mindfulness Monday: How does your friendship grow?

My friend Mari celebrating friendship at OWFI

Take some time to reflect on your closest relationships. Does your calendar reflect your internal commitment to meaningful friendships?

It takes full engagement to grow adult friendships-there are no good short cuts to emotional intimacy.

Responsibilities can distract us from connecting on a more personal level with special people.  Facebook catches us up through photos and witty anecdotes but nothing beats good old fashion face time with real friends.

This week focus on friends.

I WILL MAKE TIME TO CONNECT DEEPLY IN MY FRIENDSHIPS.

Mental Illness Awareness: Remembering Robin Williams

The public life of Robin Williams is a legacy of extraordinary talent.  I grew up with Mork and Mindy, and we all have at least one (if not more) favorite Robin Williams' films.

We now  know that the private life of Robin Williams included mental illness. I am sure we will learn that he sought treatment and that his family did everything they could to provide support in his struggle. Millions of people have a mental illness and are fighting every day to survive.

Robin Williams did not survive mental illness, and many others will die this year from the disease.  Mental illness is a brain disorder.  We rely on our brain to help us take care of ourselves, to give and receive  love,to find meaningful work, to make multiple decisions on an everyday basis. Mental illness distorts thinking, perception, and decision making.

Family and friends who love a person with a  mental illness work very hard to help prolong life. Like supporting a loved one with cancer- They lean in, encourage, drive to appointments, stay up all night, comfort, seek help, and do everything possible.  Psychologists, psychiatrists, and treatment centers are as dedicated as oncologists in seeking solutions and recovery.

It is the greatest fear of friends and family that our loved one will commit suicide.  But it is not up to us. Despite the love of family, treatment, and life success of Robin Williams, it was ultimately his decision to end his life. We are all sorry about this choice, but it was not ours to make.

Robin Williams' death has begun a conversation--  Let's continue to talk about how to improve funding, treatment, and support for people suffering with mental illness and the  families who love them.

I miss having Robin Williams on this earth.  I want more stand up, more movies, more laughter- I know his family wanted more time with him too.  Wishing them peace.

Resources for help:

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)  is a powerful source of advocacy for the mentally ill and their families.  Their motto is "every mind matters," and they demonstrate this belief by offering groups for caregivers, mentoring for families, and referral for people affected by mental illness.

Crisis Numbers: Oklahoma HeartLine-405-848-CARE, National Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK

Suicide Prevention Post

Santa Fe: Eminem from Trauma to Recovery

Eminem never claimed to be a role model. His lyrics are intense, angry, and filled with profanity.  His videos are graphically sexual and violent.  Eminem’s music references addiction and crime.  Listen carefully if you can because this is the story of his life experience.  Eminem is a living example of what counselors mean when we describe “kids from hard places.”

At the Creativity and Madness Conference,*Annette Fortino, LMSW, treated us all to an in depth case study of the traumatized child Marshall Bruce Mathers who grew up to be the best-selling artist in the 2000's and named King of Hip Hop by Rolling Stone Magazine.

Background:

·         Marshall was born to two musical parents in Missouri in 1972.

·         Father left the family when he was an infant.

·         No relationship with his father while growing up.

·         Mother reportedly addicted to pills and alcohol, physically abusive

·         Multiple moves, from little towns in Missouri to Michigan approximately every 1-2 years.

·         Settled into Detroit during teen years at the time that Detroit was in rapid urban decline, with 23% unemployment and high crime.

·         Half-brother removed from the home when Eminem was 15

·         Dropped out of school at 17

Marshall was lacking in support and mentoring throughout his formative years, and had an ambivalent attachment to his mother.  His Uncle Ronnie (mother’s half-brother) was a few years older than Marshall and they were reportedly very close.  Ronnie gave Marshall a dictionary and introduced him to his first rap song.  The dictionary sparked a fascination with words. His uncle committed suicide as a young teen.

Marshall took his love of words, his natural musicality, and expressed his pain through lyrics.  He became involved in the emerging Hip Hop culture and enrolled in freestyle rap battles.  The stage name Eminem was an evolution of M&M.  Marshall’s persistence, practice, and dedication propelled him to enter contests where he ultimately became discovered by Dr. Dre.

Trauma leaves a neurological mark on a child which remains throughout the life span.  Typical behavioral symptoms include difficulty regulating emotions, aggression, impulse control problems, and negative self-image.  The body remembers.  Eminem is known for his rapid fire, complex rhyming, and lyrics that release the pain.  Recovery from trauma involves making meaning of the experience through empowerment.  Words and music continue to help Marshall save himself. Check out Cleanin Out My Closet.

Fame was not without trauma.  His mother sued him for defamation of character in a 10 million dollar lawsuit.  She was awarded damages of less than two thousand dollars.  Traveling for tours disrupted Eminem’s sleep and he began taking pills to sleep. Alcohol and pain killers followed soon afterward.

Recovery from addiction brought about other changes in Eminem.  He publicly (and privately) forgave his mother in his song Headlights, and he began raising his only daughter.  Eminem has just released a new album and is active in NA and AA in Los Angeles.  He has developed a charity (The Marshall Mathers Foundation) for disadvantaged youth.

Eminem’s recovery from trauma and addiction will be a lifelong intention to live one day at a time. His journey through the pain reminds us that creativity is transformational.  

*If there are any errors in this post please forgive me, they are unintentional and the result of poor note taking on my part and not the dynamic and intensive work of the presenter: Annette Fortino, LMSW,ACSW,CAADC,EMDR certified.  Ms. Fortino traveled from Michigan to Santa Fe with her son Joe, who performed percussion to enhance the presentation of this artist.  They received a standing ovation for this informative and inspirational study.