Generosity is a Gift

Part of a child’s growing self-awareness is the instinct to stake a claim on what is “mine.” This is why “mine” is a common refrain for typical toddlers (my toy, my cup) and teenagers (my room, my cell phone).  Advertisements for the latest, greatest, shiniest objects are eye-level for these suggestible consumers- which can give most kids the gimmies. If your child is different- celebrate that!   For the rest of us the job of cultivating generosity rests on our shoulders. 

If you wish to focus on generosity this holiday, don't be discouraged by developmental self-centeredness. Get clarity as a parent about how you want to teach generosity. What opportunities resonate for you- is it generosity of time, abundance, or finances?  Is it a particular cause that has impacted your family in some way?  Is it an awareness of a need in your neighborhood or community?  Being intentional in how you express generosity with your children will produce the greatest long term impact. Prepare them for the generous mindset through your announcement of a special project this year.

Less effective:

“You guys have NO IDEA how fortunate you are.  You are spoiled and selfish, you need to shape up and give away some of this junk that you don’t appreciate.”

More effective:

“Mrs. Smith is grieving the loss of her husband this holiday.  I bet she is feeling lonely and overwhelmed.  What can we do to show her that we care?”

One year we decided to try volunteering at the Edmond Community Thanksgiving Dinner when our daughters were 4 and 8.  We thought it would be a special way to be generous with our time before we sat down to our own family Thanksgiving feast.  A frantic hostess greeted us with the news  “guests are coming to eat in twenty minutes and we can’t find the cranberry sauce!” Cans of donated cranberry sauce were missing somewhere in the building and she asked for volunteers to do a search and rescue. FYI: Four year olds are great at hide and seek!  Our daughter’s first volunteer experience was manning the can opener so that cases of cranberry sauce could fulfill their Thanksgiving Destiny. That was sixteen years ago, and we haven’t missed a Community Dinner yet.  Our daughters have recruited friends, and boyfriends to be generous with their time on Thanksgiving.  Sometimes the gift of generosity becomes a tradition!

 Other ideas:

• ·         One family makes cards for the residents of a senior center in memory of their grandma who once lived there.
• ·         An athletic family collected used bicycles to donate to people affected by weather disasters.
• ·         This year there is a drive to help families who lost their homes in the Moore Tornado with Christmas preparations. (This one is time sensitive- so please check the link now if you want to be involved)

How are you planning to give the gift of generosity with your family?

COMFORT: Re-posting from 2013 Tornado

h/t Oklahoma Contemporary Arts

This post was from last year (5/28/13), reflecting  on the May 20th tornado that impacted Oklahoma and the Nation as well. I am comforted by the recent tributes to the ordinary heroes and the recovery and resilience of our communities.  The Contemporary Arts Center in Oklahoma is hosting "Not just another day in May" through the end of this month at Leadership Square in OKC.   
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On May 20, 2013  I was at work in a parent conference with a new family. We didn't hear the sirens but the dark green sky and hail spurred us into action. We waited and made small talk as we listened to the radio in our safe place (the women’s room).  In Oklahoma we get very specific information about tornadoes, and we were informed that one had touched down about 20 miles away.

Later that evening in our own homes we watched the Godzilla like tornado that devastated Moore and surrounding towns.   In gratitude for our own safety, we all held our breath waiting for news of survivors, and lives lost. 

It will take years to rebuild the structure of towns like Moore, and Shawnee Oklahoma.  

But the community building began immediately.  That is resilience in action.

By May 21^st there were local disaster relief sites organized by scouts, schools, churches, and realtors each finding a spot on the sidewalk to collect water and Gatorade.  People were walking around Wal-Mart and Loews with supply lists.  In the most affected areas neighbors were helping neighbors clean debris and look for pets, photos, and Bibles.   Social media connected us to distant communities who have been through disasters, reaching out because they understand, they have been there too.

When tornadoes, hurricanes, or terrorists strike, we have a choice.  We can get cynical and depressed, or we can bounce back. The best plan for recovery is to look for the helpers, the heroes, the miracles.  Seek opportunities to be helpful, and build resilience. 

Find your safe place. Help your neighbor. Support your community.