COMFORT: DEFINING SHELTER

Statue of Liberty Wall Cling- Target purchase

SHeltər/

noun

1.

a place giving temporary protection from bad weather or danger

Last year’s Oklahoma weather escalated the storm shelter business.  We Marottas waited five months to get ours installed.  While it isn't as slick as a room remodel or as fun as a backyard Jacuzzi, neither of these provides protection in tornado country.  

When our kids wore Keds the bathroom was our safe place.  The girls plus dog could fit together in the bathtub with helmets, pillows, and at least one book.  My post was next to the tub with candles and a battery operated radio, while Sweetness held vigil at the television until the very last possible moment to add to the drama.  Good times.

The Keds are now replaced with size 8 Nike's, so we upgraded our safety to an in-ground-in-garage storm shelter.  It's not much bigger than a Jacuzzi, but it has a purpose- knowing we have shelter brings me peace.

verb

1.

protect or shield from something harmful, especially bad weather

An internet search yielded resources to the essential items to include in a survival kit.  We also need to shelter the anxiety when we are in our safe place so I have intentionally personalized our kit to bring comfort.  Our “safe snacks” are foods we take on hikes, with biscuits to coax our resident therapy dog down the steep stairs. Cards and Mad-Libs will pass the time and bring some comic relief.  The crotchet blankets are a Grammie legacy- she sheltered me in my formative years.

The idea of us all sitting in a snug grey box under my Ford called for just a little something extra. .  . A focal point.  Our shelter needed something to welcome us to safety. For our family the Statue of Liberty is our visual anchor. 

“Give me your tired, your poor, 

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, 

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. 

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me: 

I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” 

― Emma Lazarus

New York is where our family began.  Sweetness and I met and married there.  It is where the Artist. was born. New York is home to family and friends that feel like family.  After the storm we know we will hear from them.  Lady Liberty gives us hope that we will weather the storm.

I wish you and your family shelter and continued comfort this tornado season.

COMFORT: Preparing for Tornadoes

Oklahoma children are afraid of tornadoes.  They should be.  In 2013 Oklahoma had 82 tornadoes across the state.  If you have never experienced a tornado it is difficult to imagine the quiet calm before the storm-the green sky-the sudden wind. The helpless feeling that comes with the realization that once you seek shelter there is nothing you can do but wait. 

An EF5 tornado can have winds up to 300 mph and cause damage spanning more than 2 miles. Healthy fear helps us to pay attention and get to safety.  Too much fear will make every rain cloud a disaster and disrupt living.   As we begin tornado season here in the Midwest parents need to help children manage their fear through knowledge, safety, comfort, and reassurance. 

Oklahoma parents owe a big thank you to Darleen Bailey Beard for finding the words to describe the before, during, and after of a tornado in her book Twister, beautifully illustrated by Nancy Carpenter.  I use Twister in my practice to help anxious children prepare for Oklahoma weather.  Last year I asked a child to summarize what she was learning from counseling “It is up to the grown-ups to help you know when to get to safety; it is up to kids to follow directions and just be kids until it is over.” Well said.

h/t mari farthing 

Author Darleen Bailey Beard was an encouraging speaker at the recent Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc.  Conference.  Darleen shared with us that she received a thank you letter from a teacher last year.  The teacher was from Briarwood Elementary in Moore, Oklahoma.   The teacher wrote that on May 20, 2013 she was huddled in her classroom with her students during the deadly EF5 tornado that destroyed much of the town. As the teacher considered how best to reassure the children during the storm she remembered her copy of Twister.  She read to her class and they made shadow puppets on the wall just like the children in the book.  The Weather Channel will be doing a feature (May 19^th tentative air time 8pm) which will include this teacher’s story.  Watch for the listing I am sure it will be educational and inspiring.  A word to the wise: I suggest that parents preview the show rather than watching with children. 

If you live in the Midwest- learn the location of available shelters and educate yourself so you are know how and when to direct your family to safety.  And remember to bring your copy of Twister- it will help with the wait.

Tornado Shelter Parenting

With all eyes on Japan, watching families standing in lines and sorting through the remains of their cities,  I am reminded of the small scale crisis our family faced when we first moved to Oklahoma.  It never occured to us that a family camping trip to Kansas during tornado season would be ill fated.  It seemed like a great idea at the time . . . but with two kids and a minivan full of stuff we found ourselves shortening the trip to head for shelter under an eery green sky.  In a little no name town we followed the siren sounds and signs to a small Baptist church. 
Weather in this region brings interesting collections of people together.  Jim Fay, of Parenting with Love and Logic fame, has described three basic parenting styles.  And sure enough they were represented in the Tornado Shelter. Families (and some pets) of all types, shapes, and styles of parenting.  To our left were the Drill Sargents- scrunched together underneath a table with mom holding a portable radio to her ear shouting out the path of the tornado.  Her children wide eyed and attentive.  To our right were the Helicopters- the parent narrating a story that never included the tornado "This is so much fun, look at all the cute doggies, oh and that cat looks pretty wet, isn't that silly?" The children were understandably confused.  The fear did bring out alot of prosocial behavior, with some helping others to find a place on the floor or sharing a coat while we all waited.  In our case, the disaster was averted, the siren ended, an all clear shouted from underneath the table and we dispersed, strangers again climbing back into our vehicles.

Soothing our children's fears exposes our own attitudes toward stress.  Somewhere in between the Drill sargents and the Helicopters is an intentional response that balances reality with cool headed coping that would be the Consultants in the group.  The parents who gave calm updates with reassurances and encouragement to their families.  They were comforting to us, serving as anonymous mentors that have my gratitude to this day.

I find my thoughts circling back to the current crisis in Japan.  All of those families doing the best they can to keep their children safe and manage themselves. 

What is your response to the Tsunami in Japan?  Have you faced fear together as a family?