Mindfulness Mondays: Weather Stress

Lake Tenkiller 2015

After years of drought in the Midwest we are now dealing with the pendulum swing of flooding. Although we have no control over the weather, we can influence our response to weather related stress. 

We can manage ourselves: 

 Prepare

 Educate (weather safety)

 Accept

We can extend support to others:

Donate money

Donate time (clean up and support)

Shop local (farms and businesses)

 

This week I will manage my response to stress.

Resilient Leadership

Oklahoma State Superintendent Conference February 2015
Dr. Robert Romines

Resilience skills apply to every aspect of life: personal and professional.  Imagine if you were stepping into a new work position during a natural disaster- your responsibilities include the safety of children, teachers, and communicating calm to parents. This is the story of Dr. Robert Romines, Superintendent of the Moore, Oklahoma school district.  In February of this year I had the honor of meeting this “ordinary hero” who demonstrates resilient leadership.

On May 20, 2013 an F5 tornado impacted the community of Moore, Oklahoma and the 23,000 students in Dr. Robert Romines' care. 

He was a first responder to the school buildings destroyed by the storm and helped rescue teachers and students from the disaster sites.  Within moments of learning of the 7 student deaths in the Briarwood school, Dr. Romines was called upon to speak to the media. He communicated reassurance and realistic hope. 

The tornado ended the school year only days away from the planned summer dismissal.  Within the week Dr. Romines assembled a team to provide safe spaces for every student to return for their first day of the next school year.  From May 21 through August 16, 2013 Romines led with the mantra “Anything is possible.”

Understandably, two years later he is still tearful and managing emotions speaking about the events of the Tornado and the rebuilding/recovery effort that followed. Dr. Romines' leadership continues in his Monday email sent out to every family in his district with a “weather update” for the week.

Ordinary people can do extraordinary things utilizing resilience skills: Support, flexibility, decisiveness, and perspective. 

Are you leading your personal life with resilience? 

Are you practicing resilience in your parenting?  

Mindfulness Mondays: Watch your Language

Our word choice is a newspaper headline to the world about our lifestyle. Do you often describe yourself as stressed out, overly busy, or slammed?  You are communicating an out of balance life to yourself and the world. 

While we all have times when we are pushed to our limits, it isn't a way to live.

Mindfulness also has a language. Consider these words: In the zone, finding clarity, being curious, in the here and now. If this sounds like a breath of fresh air to you- you are right! Bring mindfulness into your every day habit and watch how your internal language (and lifestyle) shifts.  

This week I will tune in to my language.

Mindfulness Monday: Memorials

Memorial Iris Garden
St. John the Baptist Edmond, OK 2015

Twenty years ago many lives were lost to terrorism in Oklahoma. We mourned and bonded in the community effort to recover.

Throughout our state there are memorials to this shared history.  Memorials are important because they invite us to stop and reflect on the people and experiences that shape us into who we are today.

"We cannot tell what may happen to us.. But we can decide what happens in us... How we can take it, what we can do with it .. and that is what really counts in the end."     Joseph Fort Newton

This week I will take time to reflect on the people and experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today.

Marotta meets Kondo: The Language of Change

Before Marie Kondo February 2015

What could a 53 year old psychologist from Oklahoma and a 30 something professional organizer from Japan have in common?  We speak the same language.  The language of change.  Marie Kondo is empowering people to transform life through clearing physical clutter – my spin is to shift perspective  by letting go of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that no longer serve us.

Marotta and Kondo are both aware that incredible change is possible when you have the right tools.  But you have to be willing to do the work.

Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up came at an opportune time as I find myself somewhere between “emptying” and “feathering” my nest.  She struck a chord when she detailed that the point of tidying was not to be measured by how much you throw away, but instead to intentionally surround yourself with the things you love. With this bliss in mind I began to apply her method to my clothes, which is where she recommends that we start.

It was the perfect rainy weekend.  Step One I gathered ALL of my clothing into our guest bedroom.  Kondo urges her organizing clients (now readers) to gather all of the items in a specific category together to complete the project all at once.  If there is a clothing item that is missed in this broad sweep (think closets, laundry room, hooks, etc) of your home it is supposed to be given away.  I am not brave enough to show you the picture of the heaps of garments that overtook the guestroom. The excess, mistakes, waste and multiple sizes that made up my clothing choices from past to present were all sprawled out.

Step Two involved holding each item in my hand and evaluating if it “sparked joy.”It was oddly reassuring to check my gut for an opinion.

Many of my clothing decisions were outdated, they literally no longer suit me.  For years these choices took up space in my closet, unseen, but definitely felt as I tried to hang up new purchases.  At the end of the day . . . four bags of clothing to donate to charity and two brimming trash bags of torn, worn, and stained flotsam.

A strong theme throughout Marie Kondo’s guide to zen organizing is the energy you will derive from thorough tidying.  Her cultural perspective of energy is fun to think about.  According to her philosophy all items have energy.  When you surround yourself with items that bring you joy, you are energized and happier in your space.  When your space is filled with items that no longer spark that loving feeling you are drained of energy.  I waited for the energy after completely revamping my clothing category.  Instead I felt exhausted.  It was harder than I thought.  In the back of my mind I worried that I had “let go” of something that I loved, or that I might need someday. The parallel to therapeutic change was glaring.

It has been two months since I began my magical tidying.  My wardrobe pallet is completely changed, dressing is simpler, and I love every single thing I wear.  I’m feeling the energy now.

After my clothing category I tackled my bathrooms, and my true nemesis: paper.  The before and after pictures tell only half of the story. The mind shift towards simplicity is even more impressive.

After Marie Kondo February 2015

Zen Organizing a la Kondo 2/2015

My response to empty nest is still evolving, but focusing on what remains instead of what has been lost is a delightful blend of peacefulness and excitement. If you are facing a life change I would strongly recommend the orderly advice of Marie Kondo. Let your external space reflect your internal change.

It is a language we can all benefit from at various points of our journey. 

Happy Tidying!  

Mindfulness Monday: Express Yourself

Fancy Peacock/North Park Mall 2015

Each of us has a distinct point of view based on layers of life lessons- and our interpretation of those experiences. Your victories, mistakes, celebrations, and discouragements are unique.

That is precisely why you need to express yourself.

It is time to tell your story and Listen to Your Mother wants to hear it- or your friend will want to read it- or your 8th grade art teacher will want to see it . . .

Most importantly you need to live it.  How about starting this week?




This week I will find ways to express myself.

Mindfulness Mondays: Imagine

Chalk Farm Gallery/Santa Fe 2012

The year ahead is an open calendar of possibilities.  This week build some time into your day to consider your personal, professional, and relational lifestyle.

Make room in your imagination to visualize yourself entering 2015.

• What should you hold on to in the New Year?
• What do you need to release ?
• What would you like to cultivate in 2015?

I will take time this week to imagine a new year of possibilities.

Cultivating Compassion

h/t Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown

Compassion is a key part of the holidays.  My mailbox is already overflowing with information about suffering and a call to action.  The homeless, veterans, orphans in Africa, are just a few of the very worthy causes that deliver their materials when we are primed for generosity.  It feels wonderful to come into contact with a cause that speaks straight to our heart.

It feels incredible to experience that visceral sensation which energizes and stirs us to think "I can do something about this!" The combined strength of hope and compassion is powerful.

This post is strategically being delivered now because your compassion is needed for an incredibly worthy cause.  There is a struggle that is universal, it cuts across the lines of race, religion, gender, and socioeconomics (to name a few).  The epidemic is SHAME and none of us have complete immunity to its impact on our lives.

Sociologist Dr. Brene Brown identifies shame as ultimately the fear of disconnection. If they (family, work, neighbors, teachers) really knew how inadequate or flawed we are, they wouldn't accept or love us. We can identify the symptoms of shame when we experience a mistake, a misstep, or critical feedback and our internal response is "I am bad, I am not good enough, I can't talk about it." Shame feeds on the darkness of our internal thoughts and if left unchecked it will ruin our self worth and creativity.

Brown has identified the TOP TWELVE SHAME CATEGORIES:

1. Appearance and Body Image
2. Money and Work
3. Motherhood/Fatherhood
4. Family
5. Parenting
6. Mental and Physical Health
7. Addiction
8. Sex
9. Aging
10. Religion
11. Surviving Trauma
12. Being Stereotyped or Labeled

Find any of these categories familiar?  Good.  Recognizing your hot topics for shame is part of building resilience-- your "bounce back" from the spiral of negative messages toward yourself.

The immunity boost for shame is compassion- self compassion.  It involves recognizing the message that says you are not enough and fighting back.  The holiday season has officially begun and many events and experiences will rub right up against these shame categories.

Are you getting that visceral sensation that fills you with energy and stirs you to think "I can do something about this!"?  I hope so . . . because you can.

Practice self compassion when you catch yourself thinking:

"I'm not__________ (thin, organized, dressed well, ...) enough" before company comes over.
"I don't have enough ____________(money, time, energy, ...) to make this holiday special."
"What will people think when they see my _____________________(house, family, dinner, ...)?"

Do you hear the suffering? Can you relate?
Self compassion is speaking the reassurance that you would share with a beloved friend:

"Your company is coming to visit you, not your dress size or your outfit."
"Good for you for inviting people over, you look great."
"Gifts are not about how much you spend or the number of cards you send out."
"The holidays are about gathering- not about to do lists."

YOU are the biggest agent of change in the war against shame.  This season start or renew a commitment to self compassion. Be a beloved friend to yourself.

Mindfulness Monday: Vote!

Suki at her favorite look out spot
Lake Tenkiller 2012

Apathy is not resilient.

Despite the negative campaigning there are still a brave few who are daring to run for political office. Consider the sacrifices made by our ancestors to provide a system of election, the suffragists who courageously advocated for the right to vote by all peoples. Reflect on our military who have risked everything to protect our freedoms.

Take these intentions to your local polling places this week.  Your vote counts towards making meaningful change.





This week I will make a conscious choice with my vote.

Mindfulness: Internal Weather Report

Suki sitting still like a frog
 in her Halloween Costume

There is a saying in Oklahoma: "If you don't like the weather- wait five minutes." Today there is a crisp cold in the air, earlier this week we were all in short sleeves.

Moods are a bit like the Oklahoma weather, changing and temporary.  Children who learn to identify and accept their moods have good resilience.  They understand that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life . . . mindfulness has many implications for all ages.

Thank you for spending October with me exploring Mindfulness. In my research I came across a wonderful book on mindfulness with children: Sitting Still Like a Frog by Eline Snel.

Eline Snel  developed some easy (and fun!) exercises to introduce mindfulness concepts.  One of my favorites to use with children is Your Personal Weather Report.  A child draws their "internal weather" early in the day and then checks back later to see if the weather is the same or different. The author also tackles life skills such as practiced attention, understanding limits, letting go of thoughts and worries, and kindness.  The activities are appropriate for the smallest to the tallest in your family- that means you too!

Mindfulness: Acceptance

h/t Pinterest

As a behaviorist I am all about change. I seek it out and relish the challenge of goal setting.  I love lists, homework, charts, and accountability.  Identify the problem- Develop a plan was stressed in my training.  But there is this tricky other step that can't be ignored. It is so essential that no matter how fabulous the plan, it will be derailed if we don’t attend to it. We have to develop acceptance before we can execute the plan.  

If we get stuck in continually striving, reaching, seeking out the next mountain to climb we won't integrate change- it won't last.  We cannot deeply change without first accepting where we are. 

Acceptance is not passive.  It does not involve “settling” or “lowering our standards.” It is an active process of seeing things realistically, a moment to moment awareness. Acceptance creates the condition for change.

Yoga instructor Denise reminds the class to “leave your ego at the door.” She is referring to the inner striving that can make us ignore what our body needs for that practice.  When I listen to this wise advice I become aware of my body in this moment and prevent injury. Acceptance allows me to continue to come back to the mat. If I continue to accept myself and be kindly aware of my body each time I return to the studio- change will come.  

There is a gentle but strong anchoring that happens when we attend to acceptance. We are more patient with the process of change.  We can heal when we allow ourselves to see realistically and kindly where our wounds are at this moment.  When the conditions of change are right, we will master the pose, lose the weight, or forgive our friend.  

Mindfulness encourages us to accept our “perfectly imperfect self.” That is VERY hard work.

Mindfulness: Awareness of Breath

h/t Kids Outdoor Games

Are you as mindful as a first grader?
In my office young children are eager to learn how to calm down by focusing on breathing We have applied this basic technique to manage test anxiety, fear of public speaking, and emotional dysregulation (aka moodiness). Since children are accustomed to being in the role of learner they are typically open minded and excited to learn about meditation and mindfulness.

The adults are a bit more skeptical- "What difference can breathing make?"

Ask any asthmatic or panic attack sufferer and they will tell you that breathing makes a BIG difference.  Breathing is so basic to our living we lose awareness of its significance.

From the moment of our birth to the time of our death our breathing is working for us without conscious thought.  It is a natural recycling system that takes in oxygen from outside of us and circulates it throughout our bodies and brains.  Our breath then reflexively carries carbon dioxide waste from inside of us and releases it into the air.  Breathe in fresh- breathe out stale.  Is it so surprising that this system is integral to emotional and physical healing?


Try this at home:

Sit in a comfortable, relatively quiet, place with your spine straight

Set an alarm for three minutes

Close your eyes

Direct your attention to your breathing

When a thought comes to you redirect your attention to your breathing

Notice the natural rhythm of your breath

Do not try to change the rhythm in any way

Notice how it feels flowing from your nose

Notice how it feels in your chest

Notice how it feels in your belly

Mindfulness is synonymous with awareness.  I hope this exercise increased your awareness today. Imagine the possibilities if you were to intentionally set aside time each day to focus on your breath.

Mindfulness Mondays: Awareness

Transitions are part of life and each of us has a multitude of internal associations to change.   A true mindfulness practice is based on awareness of our interior and exterior world without judgement.

This week be intentionally aware of the seasonal changes and notice the thoughts and feelings that come to your mind.








THIS WEEK I WILL PRACTICE AWARENESS.

Mindfulness Monday: Be Kind

Confluence Conference Snacks 2014

Kindness requires mindfulness. 

It is not a gimmick or a quick fix.  This week set your intention to let go of hurtful thoughts (about yourself and others) and replace the negativity with acceptance and good will.  

The practice of being kind will bring you happiness.






I CAN PRACTICE KINDNESS.

Mindfulness Mondays: Celebrate Your Freedom

Excessive worry, toxic relationships, insecurity, addiction, and unhealthy work cultures are a few of the psychological boxes that constrain us from living our life authentically.

This Fourth of July take some time to mindfully celebrate your personal independence.  Recognize the small victories on your path to freedom.

I can celebrate my freedom from __________.

Mindfulness Mondays: Stronger in the Broken Places

h/t wikipedia

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger in the broken places."
Ernest Hemingway

Kintsugi is the Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with gold, silver, or platinum resin. By accentuating the repair the artist gives recognition to an event in the life of the piece. Embracing the imperfection enhances its value-
recovery is beautiful.

This week I will honor the strength in my broken places.  

Mindfulness Mondays: Pamper yourself

"Fortitude" New York Public Library 2014

Stress sometimes comes in bundles and although there is no great time for difficult life events, they often come at the least opportune time. It is tempting to grab a quick fix- an emotional band aid like Triple fudge chocolate sundaes and marathon Psych reruns on the couch . . . but there is a healthier alternative. Pamper yourself with a return to the basics.

This week I will pamper myself with healthy choices.

What healthy choices soothe your soul?  Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Go to the Library to check out a much beloved book.  Linger awhile to start Chapter One in hushed silence.
• Hydrate your body.  Suggested daily water intake is six 8 oz servings.
• Hydrate your skin with good for you moisturizer.
• Make healthy food choices for a whole day, one meal at a time.
• Phone a friend that makes you laugh.
• Spend some time outdoors.

COMFORT: Revisiting Resilience from May 20, 2013

h/t Oklahoma Contemporary Arts Center

This post was from last year (5/28/13), reflecting  on the May 20th tornado that impacted Oklahoma and the Nation as well. I am comforted by the recent tributes to the ordinary heroes and the recovery and resilience of our communities.  The Oklahoma Contemporary Arts Center is exhibiting a collection of photographs entitled "Not just another day in May" through the end of this month at Leadership Square in OKC.  
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On May 20, 2013  I was at work in a parent conference with a new family. We didn't hear the sirens but the dark green sky and hail spurred us into action. We waited and made small talk as we listened to the radio in our safe place (the women’s room).  In Oklahoma we get very specific information about tornadoes, and we were informed that one had touched down about 20 miles away.

Later that evening in our own homes we watched the Godzilla like tornado that devastated Moore and surrounding towns.   In gratitude for our own safety, we all held our breath waiting for news of survivors, and lives lost. 

It will take years to rebuild the structure of towns like Moore, and Shawnee Oklahoma.  

But the community building began immediately.  That is resilience in action.

By May 21^st there were local disaster relief sites organized by scouts, schools, churches, and realtors each finding a spot on the sidewalk to collect water and Gatorade.  People were walking around Wal-Mart and Loews with supply lists.  In the most affected areas neighbors were helping neighbors clean debris and look for pets, photos, and Bibles.   Social media connected us to distant communities who have been through disasters, reaching out because they understand, they have been there too.

When tornadoes, hurricanes, or terrorists strike, we have a choice.  We can get cynical and depressed, or we can bounce back. The best plan for recovery is to look for the helpers, the heroes, the miracles.  Seek opportunities to be helpful, and build resilience. 

*Find your safe place. Help your neighbor. Support your community*

Mindfulness Mondays: Sunset Reflections

 

Sunsets are my favorite visual anchor, reminding me to take time for mindfulness.

As the sun is doing it's spectacular show, quiet your mind and be still in the moment.  Notice the colors as they spread across the sky. Clear your mind-clutter and breathe in gratitude. Travel lightly into tomorrow.


Be present to the end of this day, it will not come again.

COMFORT: Manage yourself so you can manage the crisis

Suki in her TDI  work outfit OU 2014

This month is dedicated to creative and resourceful coping strategies for all ages. I have noticed over the years that many people (self included) go into overdrive when life gets intense.  In a futile attempt to fake normalcy during crisis we push to get everything to look just like it always does, except there is this pesky crisis thing. We delude ourselves into thinking that we “don’t have enough time” to take care of ourselves in desperate times. If this sounds familiar and you are wondering how to fit it all in, consider this:

YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIT IT ALL IN- YOU WILL HAVE TO LET SOME THINGS GO.  

Manage yourself so you can manage the crisis. A new normal will come and you will get to the other stuff later.

Let go of the ordinary “to do” list when you are faced with a life storm.  Make simple meals. Eat healthy-ish take out.  Forget the laundry. Do the minimum in each of the automatic but wonderful ways that you maintain your life so you can take time to restore your emotional and physical self. Consider breaks to exercise, meditate, pray, talk to a friend, rest, and if you are lucky enough to have a pet - grab some floor time with your quiet confidante.

.

Therapy Dog Tales

Last week Suki and I took a drive down to Norman, OK to visit the Alpha Chi Omega sorority house.  The tense quiet was a clear sign that we arrived just in time to kick off the beginning of finals week.  Within moments the entry was filled with girls in bare feet squealing to get Suki’s undivided “puppy love.”  Suki gave them all some one on one time and listened while they shared stories of pets at home, complained about late night studies, and wished aloud that Suki could come back every day. 

The Alpha Chi sisters recognized their need to take a break and receive comfort and support.  Before long laughter, joking around, and lots of smiling replaced the eerie stillness. The break time offered an opportunity to recharge.  There will still be time to finish research papers and cram for the killer physics exam. We were only there for an hour but we left the sorority house a much happier place than when we arrived.